12-15-08

I went to Publix yesterday to get groceries and when I touched the metal shelf the sour cream was sitting on, someone must have yelled “CLEAR!” because I got the worst zap of my entire life. I thought I was going to pass out from the pain.

THAT SHIT HURTS.

It’s not been a good time to be a finger on the hand of Robyn And3rson lately. The other night I was talking on the phone and was putting dishes in the dishwasher away. When the dishes were all put away, I went to close the dishwasher door, and I slammed it right on my thumb. I did the silent, open-mouthed Dance of Pain where I ran in place for several steps. Fred, who was standing behind me managed to pantomime “Are you okay?” before he collapsed in gales of silent laughter.

He said later that I looked like Turk high-stepping it onto the dance floor in this clip from Scrubs.

I slammed my hand in the screen door at some point on Saturday, Saturday night Delmar gave me a damn puncture wound to the bone with his sharp little bastard teeth (okay, maybe it’s more my fault than his – but when he lays on my lap and shows his little belly to me, I cannot resist squeezing his belly fat), and then yesterday was the aforementioned Zap of Doom.

And of course once I got zapped in the dairy aisle, every goddamn thing I touched until I left the store zapped the shit out of me.

I love you, Publix, but HOW ABOUT SOME HUMIDIFIERS?

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So, I know I’ve mentioned recently that we were talking about putting the door back in the doorway between the kitchen and the laundry room because leaving the back door open so the cats could go in and out through the cat door in the screen door was making the back part of the house really freakin’ cold.

But we talked about the door and we looked at the doorway, and putting the door back just wasn’t going to work, because the laundry room is big, but there are so many food bowls and litter boxes and storage shelves back there, that there’s no way it would be feasible to have a door in the way, because we’ve have to move, at minimum, the food dishes to another location, and the storage shelves would need to be moved, too.

Then we talked about getting some heavy curtains and just hanging them across the doorway. The cats could push through the doorway easily, and it would at least keep some of the cold air out of the kitchen and the rest of the house.

But I didn’t like the idea of how that would look, and I actually spend more time than you’d think standing in the kitchen and looking through the laundry room and out the back door to see what the chickens are doing.

So we were at an impasse, and I was toying with the idea of having a cutoff – like, if it’s under 50 degrees, the cats can just keep their asses inside, but on the days I don’t let the cats out (like with the super-rainy days we had last week), the cats tend to be a pain in the ass. They don’t necessarily want to be outside, but they DO want the option. Sometimes they express their displeasure by peeing on something.

(If I ever commit a heinous crime, I will be brought before the judge and my lawyer will simply say “Cat urine.” and the judge will proclaim “CASE DISMISSED!”)

Friday night we were watching TV and I was reading blogs on my laptop, and I was reading [noise], specifically this post, and I lifted my head and looked at Fred, and I said “We are goddamn idiots.”

Because we HAVE a screen door with a cat door in the bottom of it. What else do they make? STORM DOORS with pet doors in the bottom. You know, STORM DOORS, which might not hold back ALL the cold, but for sure it’s got to be better than having a fucking screen door, which holds back NONE of the cold.

“Does L0we’s carry them?” Fred asked, and I went to their web page to look, and lo and behold. They DO.

So Saturday morning I went on the web page and I placed the order for the storm door, to be picked up at the store, and not three minutes after I hit “submit” on the order, Fred’s cell phone rang and it was L0we’s, telling us to come get our storm door!

We did, and Fred was going to install the storm door yesterday, but found that it’s a little beyond his skill set, so we’ve got someone coming later this week to do so.

Like I said, I don’t think it’ll completely hold back the cold, but it’ll certainly HELP the situation.

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The moon was very big Friday night (which I only noticed because Fred pointed it out to me).

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I don’t know what setting I was using on the camera when I took these pictures, but it was a flattering one. The lighting on the first one almost makes it look like a painting.

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I bought an electric throw at Walmart to keep in the living room and to use in the evenings when we’re watching TV. It works really well, and one day one of the cats accidentally (or WAS IT an accident?!) stepped on the control and turned it on, and Spanky wandered across it and found that it was warm, and he declared that it was good, and so every day Spanky sleeps on this blanket on the couch, even though it hasn’t been accidentally turned on since.

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We stopped by the feed store where we visited a few weeks ago – remember the place with the newborn pot-bellied pigs? – to pick up some more cat food. We got to see the baby pot-bellied pigs again, and they are ADORABLE, but alas, Crooked Acres only grows pigs to eat, not to be pets, so no pot-bellied pigs for us.

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Head rooster Michelle gets prettier by the day, I swear.

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Saturday morning, very very early, I heard the banging sound of kittens wanting OUT of their room, OUT OUT OUT NOW PLEASE. I rolled over and looked at the clock and it wasn’t even 4:00. I tried ignoring them, but when they (Lem, I suspect) get to banging at the door, they are persistent and loud.

I went and blew a blast of compressed air under the door, which startled them into being quiet for a little while, but fifteen minutes later the banging started again. I blew another blast of air under the door and again there was quiet for a little while and then the banging began again.

I threw up my hands and gave up, opening the door so that the kittens could come out. They did what they always do when I let them out, which is that they climb up onto the bed and purr at me, get petted, and then wander off to make trouble elsewhere.

I complained about being woken up early to Fred, and he suggested that we try just leaving the kittens out instead of locking them up overnight. I decided to give it a try – why not, right? – so Saturday night we just left the door open.

Fred went to bed, and I stayed up to read, and by 10:15 it became pretty clear that leaving the kittens out wasn’t going to work. Marion, Claudette, and Lem were racing around the house like their tails were on fire, and Delmar was under the covers with me, and every time I moved my legs, he pounced on me and kicked and bit at me.

I got up and herded them all into the foster room and shut the door.

I suppose I can live with being woken up at 4 in the morning, stumbling to the door, and opening it to let them out into the house. It’s not like I can’t go back to sleep, and not like I have to get up and be at work or anything, right?

Such a smug little brat.

More pics over at Love & Hisses.

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I’ll take “Things I never expected to see in this lifetime without a lot of hissing and growling on Miz Poo’s part” for a thousand, Alex.

Seriously. Tommy needed a place to sleep, he saw a bit of room in Miz Poo’s bed, and he climbed right in. She moved over a little and completely ignored him. No hissing, no growling, no hysterical swatting. It’s a Christmas miracle!

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Previously
2007: When one has to peck the ground for bugs and worms, one gets mud on one’s beak.
2006: So that’s the story of my search for the perfect bra, and how I found it.
2005: I probably have a brain tumor.
2004: I swear, my Grinchly heart grew three sizes right then and there.
2003: A tree with glass ornaments? In a house with five cats?
2002: No entry.
2001: No entry.
2000: I told Fred we should hire her out to the local police agencies and she could tell them when someone looks like a “drug person.”
1999: Fred and I came to an agreement last night. The end of March, I’m going off the birth control, and we’re going to start trying to get pregnant. (HahahahahahaHAHA! My, how times have changed!)