I had my appointment with the gynecologist yesterday, and everything was fine (it was just the boring old yearly exam). She was a little like this:
when I told her I’d stopped using the estrogen patch because I didn’t think I needed it (I started cutting the patch in half, and things were fine, and then I forgot to switch out the patch when I was on vacation in July and I was fine, so I was all “Well shit, I don’t need this!” and never put another patch on again. Haven’t had a single hot flash, for the record.) She sent me over to the lab across the way to have blood drawn to have my estrogen level tested, and prescribed a mammogram, since it’s that time of the year again.
I scheduled the mammogram (the week after next, if you MUST know), then drove over to the lab, signed in, and took a seat in the waiting room.
A few minutes later a woman came in accompanied by a man and two small children. I was absorbed in playing Bookworm on my iPod (DAMN YOU, JEAN), so I didn’t look up at them or really pay much attention to them. The man sat down with the two small children and started gruffly telling them to behave if they squirmed or complained or wanted to turn the TV to cartoons. The woman sat down next to me, and settled in, then told her husband she was going to check in with someone, and pulled out her cell phone.
She got someone on the phone and told her “Colitis. Yeah, the colitis flared up again and blah blah prednisone. Well, he wanted to know who’d diagnosed me with the colitis and the scleroderma. He thinks I have Raynaud’s, he wants to test me for that. He really thinks I have Raynaud’s, he’s convinced that I do*. (Silence) Well, because I have abnormally small hands.”
Now, seriously. I thought I was going to have to actually PUT MY HANDS over my eyes to prevent myself from going all bug-eyed and whipping my head around to stare at her abnormally small hands. Her husband was sitting facing me, and I just KNEW that if I caaaasually glanced down to see these tiny infant-sized hands at the ends of her wrists, I was going to then have to caaaaasually glance at the man married to the woman with the monkey paws, and he was going to be sitting there glaring at me, and he was probably going to give me the narrowed eyes of I SEE YOU, YOU JUDGMENTAL FUCKING BITCH and then I’d go up in flames.
So I didn’t look. I didn’t glance. I didn’t stretch and look at the TV and smile at the kids and then cut my eyes to the side all super-quick like to get an eyeful. I didn’t. I kept my eyes glued to my game, and when they called my number, I picked up my purse and I turned away from Madame TinyPaws and I never even looked in her general direction.
(Now I’m really really wishing I’d looked, because I’m DYING to know just how tiny they were!)
*The conversation might not have gone exactly like this. I know she definitely was having a colitis flare-up and I know that both Raynaud’s and Scleroderma were discussed at length, but I’m not seeing anything online that links tiny hands to either, so who the hell knows? I had my damn iPod there, I shoulda been transcribing it word for word!
If you’re Facebook friends with me, you may have already seen this, but if you aren’t, you may not have, and to miss this would be a sad, sad thing. This cracked me UP.
You should buy a herd of pygmy goats because that would be fun for us!
and
I wholeheartedly agree with this sentiment! And in fact, I can think of a lot of other things you should do because they would be fun for us. Pygmy goats, sheep, peacocks, perhaps an ostrich or two… I’ll get back to you and let you know when I expect you to get started, okay?
I’ll tell y’all what. Should such a day come that we win the lottery and can buy 100 acres, I will seriously consider not only buying a small herd of pygmy goats, but also letting y’all name them. How’s that?
I’m totally disagreeing with everyone. PF Changs is horrible. The sauces are way too heavy and they wouldn’t know a subtle flavor if it smacked them on the head, kicked them in the crotch, and cut off their left foot. It’s how I imagine Chinese food would taste if it was made by people who had never had actually eaten Chinese food and only had it described. I say, skip it.
Given my contrary nature, this makes me want to eat there more than anything anyone else has said. 🙂
But I do know if it’s a new book he’s working on then I won’t be able to resist reading it even though he’s done with it all. And that goes for both The Dark Tower and The Shining.
Oh, I’d never NOT read a Stephen King book, and no doubt I’d enjoy it too – but I’d still grumble and gripe about it!
I thought for sure you and Fred were going to bring home that baby llama. If she had been friendlier, do you think you would have?
Oh, hell NO. She was an adorable little thing, and I love the drama queen nature of grown llamas (they have such sass!), but I want a llama running around the back forty less than just about anything I can think of at the moment.
Oh, that sucks re: Fred’s site. I was going to get on him about his Phat Man story. I’ve been following you guys since 2002 or so and I would love to hear how Fred’s doing keeping his weight down, fitness level up, etc so on and so forth. Do you guys still work out? Or does maintaining Crooked Acres keep you in shape?
Fred works out – lifts weights, uses the elliptical, does a lot of outside stuff – but I haven’t seriously worked out in a long time. I keep saying I’m going to get back to it (especially lifting weights, because I do NOT want to be a doddering old lady, and old age is coming at me like a freight train), but it hasn’t happened yet. I like to think that lifting 40 pounds of litter at a time and working in the garden is keeping me fit (I’ve stayed right around the same weight for three years running now), but I really do need to get on an intentional exercise regimen.
Here’s another Wilfred Brimley cat.
Wilford Brimley Looks Like a Cat.
Love it!
I thought of you when I read this article:
Will Game-Playing Cats Now Dream of Electric Mice?
I actually knew that they were putting out games for cats, and I was telling Fred about it – about a blogger whose cats play on her iPad – and he got SERIOUSLY disapproving. Turned out, he thought she’d bought the iPad FOR the cat. Which she hadn’t. Heh.
I thought Alabama was supposed to be damned hot?
Other random question, did you plant winter veg? Did I miss you saying how it was going or gone or what?
Alabama’s damned hot in the summer, and we’re SUPPOSED to have relatively mild (though wet) winters, but this snow stuff is very much out of the norm for us. This entire area shut down for at least two days, and most of the schools in this area were closed for the entire week. Hell – we don’t even own a snow shovel! (I plan to buy a damn snow shovel – Fred shoveled the driveway with a coal shovel.)
I didn’t plant any winter vegetables, no. I did plant some Fall veggies – carrots and radishes in the raised beds and some cabbage in the big garden, but the cabbage never got any bigger than marbles (maybe I’ll try them in the raised bed next year), the carrots never really took off, and the radishes did really well, but the cold weather snuck up on me and froze the damn things before I harvested them. Had they been in the ground, it might have been a different story.
Robyn, that color looks totally natural with your coloring – you have great skin and glowing eyes. You look quite Celtic! What is your ethnic heritage, btw? Oh man, I’ll never get my PhD in Bitchypoo at this rate! 🙁
I’m kind of a mutt – Irish, Scottish, British (I think), a touch of American Indian. There are others in there, I think, but that’s the bulk of it. 🙂
“mild expletive”
Emphasis on the mild. If you hadn’t warned me ahead of time, I might not have registered that as a cussword, it was said so nicely.
Mine usually come out like a Navy captain barking orders. Appropriate, I guess, since I’m the daughter of a sailor.
and
I’m with Adrith – I had to play it back to figure out where the cussword was.
My video would have been, “SHITSHITSHIT! Son of a bitch, that motherfucker was headed right for the fucking door! Cocksucker SCARED me. Fuck ALL!”
I should probably have joined the Navy somewhere along the line…
When I’m startled or scared, I lose my words. 🙂
I made bolognese sauce over the weekend and as I was skinning the fat off the top all I could hear in my head was ‘SKIMMERS!’
Have I mentioned that I love it when I infiltrate your day-to-day lives?
As for snow…my father’s family was from Canada (Saint Ephrem) and they poured maple syrup over everything…I guess it would help that they had a maple syrup production facility on their property. Snow, eggs, bread…I love maple syrup but after my last visit there in high school, I couldn’t touch the stuff for months.
When I was in 5th and 6th grade, we lived in Aroostook County in very northern Maine. I made at least one trip to a maple sugaring facility (probably several) with school trips and Girl Scout trips and such, and my favorite part was always when they’d pour the syrup over fresh snow and let us eat it. I don’t eat a lot of maple syrup these days, but when I do, it always makes me think of that stuff.
Don’t know how it compares, pricewise, but I’ve tried a bunch of other cat litters and I can’t ever stand any of them and always go back to my old standby: Tidy Cat Scoop Breathe Easy (though Instant Action works in a pinch). I got lucky last week and found big huge tubs of it at the local grocery outlet.
I picked up a bucket of Tide Cat Scoop Breathe Easy and a container of Ever Clean when I was out running errands yesterday. I haven’t tried them yet (I’m going to wait until the litter boxes need to be emptied and cleaned), but I’ll try to remember to report back on how they worked for me. The Ever Clean is going to need to be some amazing stuff – a 20-lb (or thereabouts) box of it costs the same as a 40-lb bag of Precious Cat.
All I can see is how wide those cat asses are looking out the window. They don’t miss many meals do they??
Not if they can help it!
I have to say, though, that Jake (3rd from the left) and Corbie (5th from the left) are both very thin cats – you just can’t tell that from this particular angle and position.
Have you ever used this box or heard of it? I’m thinking about getting one for the two cats.
Omega Paw Self Cleaning litter box.
Since you have so many kitties I was just wonder what you thought about it.
and from Elayne:
Karen, I have two of them, the large and the medium. They work really well, but I found they were a bit small for my grown cats. Also, I prefer to use the crystal litter instead of clumping, and too much of the crystals were winding up in the disposal tray, so I went back to regular boxes. They were super easy to use, though – I have back trouble, and the constant bending, and/or staying bent over, gave me trouble. With the Omegas I could just flip them over with my foot and then bend over once to empty the tray.
I don’t know that they would help much with odor, though; if you’re cleaning your litter boxes every day (full-on cleaning?) and still noticing odor, you might need to try a different litter.
Should also clarify: “My grown cats” refer to my two oldest, both of whom are bigger than my other cats, and both of whom are #1 finicky about the litter box and #2 a bit on the portly side. My other cats are full grown and fit fine, but by that time I had decided I was wasting too much of the crystal litter. If your cats are, say, Maine Coon cats or are heavyset or demand a huge box, the Omegas might be small, but if your cats are normal-sized they should be okay.
What about the rest of y’all? Anyone try the Omega and have an opinion? Share!
Miss Alice, curled up in a cat bed inside a cat bed, on top of my bed.
Bobby Brady, with attitude.
Alice again, at the end of my bed. You’d think I turn my electric blanket on during the day so they can keep warm or something.
Sleepy Bradys (sweet Cindy Brady, making sure Jan stays clean.)
Tiny Cindy Brady. Oh, she makes me want to squeeze the stuffing out of her.
Cindy, flopped across my feet. Peter, sniffing my feet.
Greg and Marcia.
Two videos today, both of them Jake-centric. The Bradys are present in both videos, too. That Loony Jake sure can jump!
Rhyme and Tommy, keeping warm.
Previously
2010: So, random pictures. For you. Try not to be too excited.
2009: George and Gracie are home from the spaying and the neutering.
2008: Negative. Good news or sad news, I wonder?
2007: No entry.
2006: No entry.
2005: Y’all rock.
2004: So many books, so little time.
2003: Ah, good times.
2002: So, you know what I hate?
2001: No entry.
2000: I was a tad peeved.
OH MY GOD! I don’t think I have laughed like that in a LONGGG time! I absolutely adore looney Jake’s head-swivellin moves! I snorted tea out my nose I was laughing so hard! And yes-he does have mad jumpin skilz!
Ditto was Leanne said, word for word!!
Woops, cept mine was coffee squirting outta my nose. 😀
Have you seen Kristen Wiig’s Lawrence Welk character on SNL? That character must have Reynaud’s! http://www.google.com/search?q=snl+kristen+wiig+lawrence+welk&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&hl=en&biw=1442&bih=890&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&tab=iw
That Loony Jake is something else. I almost missed the very end of the 2nd video and that was the best head moves.
My grandpa used to say he was Heinz 57 when you asked him his heritage. He was a little of this and a little of that. I think that sounds better than a mutt. Don’t you? Of course, that’s one of the things I remember about my grandpa. He would never give you a straight answer. He also introduced me to the phrase “I got to go see a man about a horse.” I was pretty little and was SO confused.
Val
Val, When I was a child and asked my Mom where she was going, she sometimes responded with “to see a man about a horse.” I haven’t thought about that in years.
My dad said it to me when I was about six, and in the full throes of equistrilurve. I ran around the house shouting for joy and deciding what I was going to name the horse, then cried for two hours when it was all explained to me. My mother forbade my father to ever use the expression again.
Then there was the time his (military) commander called the house for him, and three-year-old me said, “He’s in the Jack! I think – mommy, is daddy in the Jack or the Joe?”
Sooooo, you really needed to know that she had the shits and then had trouble wiping with her tiny little cold hands? lol Sorry, I just couldn’t help myself. People like that give me Tourette’s of the keyboard hehehe
Hey Robyn,
Thought you might be interested in a quick update on the litter of feral kittens (6 of them plus Mom) that are living on our farm here in Ontario, Canada.
I was lamenting to you and your readers a few months ago about the cost of neutering/spaying (over $200 per kitten) which we just couldn’t afford.
Well, the SPCA came through and allowed the kitties to be spayed (or neutered), needled, blood work done, flea treatment, a long lasting antibiotic, and micro chipping under their TNR -trap, neuter, return- program!
We were asked to donate $30 per kittie if we could which we were glad to do. In return, I signed a contract, promising to provide food, water, and shelter.
The one thing that saddens me is they insisted on notching an ear on each one to mark them as a member of a neutered feral colony, and the notches virtually removed half an ear. sigh. They look odd but are happy, healthy, well fed and surviving the snow and cold so far.
Also, during the time we were doing this at a rate of one kitten per week, the SPCA implemented a program of spaying pets for low income families at rates adjusted to what they can afford. 🙂
The picture of your cats looking out at the snow is the exact opposite of what happens here. I have six of them out in the snow looking in. I have tried letting them on the back porch but they throw themselves at the large windows trying to get back out to the bitter cold and snow. Go figure.
I got your Christmas post card last week and loved it! Thanks.
Pat
I LOVE that there are mirrors right next to the door so the kittens can check themselves out and make sure they’re presentable as they’re walking out the door! Alice can make sure her makeup is sufficiently wonky.
Robyn – these videos were hilarious but what really got me tickled was hearing you cracking up in the background. Thanks for making my day. I’m sure that fun times like this are what make cleaning all those litter boxes tolerable. Thanks for doing what you do to foster all those cats/kittens.
Oh, I would have totally ignored that TMI woman on the damned cell phone, too. I would never give someone who yaps loudly on their cell phone the satisfaction of showing them that I’d listened to their inappropriate conversation. Take it outside, woman!
Loony Jake had me cracking up this morning. Just watching those speedy head moves made me dizzy.
Too bad that Tommy and Rhyme can’t seem to get comfy. 😉
Haha. So you go for your mammogram this year.
Next month, you get the girls tightened up a few notches.
NEXT YEAR, the tech looks at this year’s mammo to decide what machine to image you on, and you walk in all adolescent and perky. It’s gonna throw her for a loop. Hahahaha.
I am in TEARS. I love Jake! Well, not as much as I love Sugarbutt – but damn if that wasn’t the funniest thing I’ll probably see all day today.
What funny videos! How does Jake not get dizzy looking at that?
Robyn – I have two quick questions.
1) Have you made an official transition to Coke Zero?
2) How is Coltrane handling being inside all the time with the other cats because of the snow? (there is just something that pulls my heart strings about that orange boy).
Loving the Loony Jake videos too and wondering how he didn’t end up wobbling from the dizzy like I would have. He can move his head so fast! He is a very amusing piece of work.
I think you guys should get some alpacas. I’d love to have an alpaca farm some day. That and a cat sanctuary.