In my comments yesterday, devil mentioned check writers as the bane of the supermarket checkout experience.
AMEN TO THAT.
Last Saturday morning Fred and I made our usual weekend run to Publix. We usually get there on Saturdays just as they open, but Fred had processed chickens that morning, and then we had to go to Lowe’s, which meant that we got to Publix about an hour after they’d opened.
It was fucking BUSY. We’re not the only ones who want to get our shit done first thing Saturday morning, I guess.
So we went our separate ways, each grabbed a few things from the list, and then met at the front of the store to check out. There was only one lane (aside from the “10 items or fewer”) lane that was open, and there was a slow couple slowly putting the stuff from their cart onto the conveyor belt, and then the cashier slowly rang everything up, and the entire time she was slowly ringing everything up, she and the woman were chatting it up. Everything was rang up and bagged, in the cart and ready to be taken out to the couple’s car.
“That’s $83.45,” the cashier said. The woman started digging around in her purse. And she dug and dug and dug some more. Then she pulled out her checkbook.
I turned to look at Fred. Now, look – when it comes to this sort of thing, I’m pretty patient (even more so when I have my iPod with me and can play Snood on it while I’m waiting), so my impatience the other morning was unusual for me. For the most part, I figure there’s no use in getting all worked up about slow people because THEY ARE EVERYWHERE. It’s usually only when I’m running late (or haven’t eaten and am dying of the starvation and JESUS CHRIST WILL YOU HURRY UP THEY’RE GOING TO STOP SERVING EGG MCMUFFINS IN TEN MINUTES) that I get impatient.
HOWEVER.
Fred is the least patient person on earth. He is pretty sure that the Earth is his and his alone and no one should ever be in his way and he should never have to wait for anything and no one should ever require him to do something he has no interest in doing. And when he gets all princessy and impatient, it stresses me out.
So when the woman finally pulled her checkbook out of her purse, I turned to look at Fred just to make sure the top of his head hadn’t popped off and his brain hadn’t gone bouncing into the ice cream section. Which is when I saw the woman standing in line behind him lean past him to put her groceries on the conveyor belt behind our stuff, and in her leaning, she got into his space, and I saw him cut his eyes to the left, all ALERT! ALERT! SOMEONE IS IN MY SPACE! SOMEONE HAS BREACHED MY SPACE! SOMEONE! IS! IN! MY! SPACE!
And I couldn’t help it, it was like he was in his own personal version of Hell, between the check writing lady and the lady all up in his space and me with my reusable grocery bags (he HATES the reusable grocery bags because they collapse when you’re trying to put groceries in them – what the fuck?), and I laughed and laughed.
But on our way out to the car after the check-writing lady had finally written her check, he said “Do people still WRITE checks?”
So devil, rest assured that you’re not alone! People do still write checks and, as I told Fred, “Did you know that not only do people still write checks, they also can’t write out who the check is to, or the date, or sign the check until they know the total?”
Speaking of our Publix trips, all summer long, every time we made our Saturday morning trips, the same guy was always stocking the dairy section. Every single time, there he was. He’d greet us, occasionally ask if we needed help finding something, and then go back to his stocking.
And then, two weeks ago, NO ONE was stocking the dairy section.
“Dairy guy wasn’t there,” I told Fred.
“Huh,” Fred said.
AND THEN.
We were walking down the aisle of chips and sodas and I looked up and THERE WAS DAIRY STOCKING GUY.
NOT in the dairy section!
I had no idea that was even allowed. We passed him, then I nudged Fred and said “THAT WAS DAIRY STOCKING GUY!”
“I know,” Fred said.
“NOT IN THE DAIRY SECTION!”
“Yep.” The man could NOT have been less interested, damn him.
Hmph.
Starsky likes to pick fights with the big cats. He’s lucky they’re so tolerant of his shenanigans.
Not a great picture, but do you see how long Reacher is? He’s one long cat!
This chicken feather came in on the basket of eggs one evening, and Starsky spotted it and claimed it as his. He sat there and licked it. Then he glared suspiciously at any cats who came near, and then he decided there were too many cats around, so he picked it up and carried it into the other room and licked it some more.
These kittens crack me up – Starsky always looks like he’s suspicious of whatever’s going on, and Hutch has that sweet, open face. He reminds me a lot of Orange (aka Lorna Doone) from the Cookies, not only in temperament (sweet, willing to snuggle, friendly, and did I mention sweet?) but with the open little face. They are just the sweetest little monkeys.
(Did I say “sweet” often enough up there? THEY ARE SO SWEET SWEET SWEET.)
Loony Jake. Here’s something I don’t think I’ve mentioned about Loony Jake: he’s a growler. If he hears a sound that he doesn’t recognize, he growls. When I snapped this picture, we were upstairs in the foster room (when the fosters are given the run of the house, our cats LOVE it, because they really like hanging out in that room, playing with the toys, climbing the cat tree. All the fun stuff they can’t do when the door is closed!). The garbage truck was going by, and the entire time they drove by the house, stopped at the driveway, and picked up our garbage, Jake was growling. It’s not a hysterical growl or a particularly loud or scary growl he does, it’s almost under his breath, a warning growl. If the doorbell rings or someone knocks on the door, you can depend on Loony Jake to growl.
Previously
2009: Because I am such an utter badass, I ran in place and screamed.
2008: No entry.
2007: “I am NOT ‘ratty looking’ and YOU, M’dme, are a pure-d grade-a gutter slutting WHORE. Good day to you.”
2006: He’s such a know-it-all motherfucker.
2005: Elizabeth Wurtzel strikes me as spectacularly self-absorbed (pot! kettle! black!)
2004: Stuff I’ve bought.
2003: No entry.
2002: No entry.
2001: No entry.
2000: “Hey!” I said, shaking the cage. “Stop that!”
1999: No entry.
Jake is your guard cat. Cute but watch your back, visitors! We had a barn cat that did the growly thing at anything she felt was suspicious. She was extremely friendly, but if she spotted something out of the ordinary, she would puff her tail and growl. Silly!
My Lizzie is a growler, so cool. Every time our doorbell rings she growls, and like Jake, it’s under her breath, only I can hear it cuz she’s laying across the top of my recliner by my head. She’s a good girl, our Lizard.
OMG!!!! The check writers kill me! Why oh why would anyone write a check, JEEZ use a debit card. I personally use a credit card for everything so I can get that nice CASH back reward every three months or so, but yea, the check writers are verrrrrry slow and for some reason I am ALWAYS behind one of them!
I had a cat who was a growler, too. Domino hated people, pretty much all people except us, but unknown visitors were definitely on her list of those who must be shunned. She’d go hide for the first hour or so, and then she’d grow tired of hiding and come into the room and menace them… “GO HOME NOW!” She was a beautiful, tiny (and perfectly round) kitty, so she didn’t look scary, but the sounds that came out of her were pretty darn amazing! People would ask, “will she hurt me?” and I’d say, “well, not if you leave soon” Hee! She was way too much of a chicken to have actually approached anyone, but after her growling they just didn’t believe me. Worked well to keep visits short
Oh wow, I had no idea cats growl!! I always thought a kitty’s hiss was like a dog’s growl!! Wonder if any of my kitties ever did…
I’m in the middle of A Discussion with my mother right now, about check-writing. She is completely baffled as to how I can have a checking account but not actually have any checks to write. (I shredded the last book when I realized it had been more than two years since I’d written a check.)
“But how do you pay your BILLS?” she wails.
“I do it ONLINE,” I snarl.
“You’re putting everything on CREDIT CARDS? You’re CHARGING it all?” She’s horrified.
“NO, I use the bank’s bill-pay service and they either make an electronic payment or send a paper check.” I’m frustrated.
“But how can the BANK have your checks if YOU don’t have any? And how do you SIGN them?”
I give up.
Now I want a growler cat too. I don’t recall any of ours doing that. Elphaba talks but I don’t think she growls. I’m going to listen harder now but I don’t think so. Loony Jake rocks-he has so much personality.
“Fred is the least patient person on earth. He is pretty sure that the Earth is his and his alone and no one should ever be in his way and he should never have to wait for anything and no one should ever require him to do something he has no interest in doing. And when he gets all princessy and impatient, it stresses me out.”
Oh My GAWD – look, it’s bad enough we are both Capricorns and there are so many times that I read what you say are the thoughts going through your head and I think “DITTO!” because we seem to have a very similar way of viewing things…but…but…did we HAVE to pick the same damn GUY too?? That paragraph up there so perfectly describes Marcus that I just have to save it and show it to him. It’s CLASSIC! Especially the part about how it stresses YOU out! I don’t know how many uncomfortable situations I’ve sat through with him like that. However, the fact that it got so bad that you just had to start laughing is just the best.
Also – the check writing? My debit card info was stolen a month ago and until I got a new one from the bank I…gulp…HAD TO WRITE CHECKS!! And I felt SO BAD!! I was self conscious about it the whole time…mumbling my excuses about the stolen card and making sure that I wrote out as much of the check as possible before getting to the checkout lane. But seriously all I could think of was that everyone around me was cursing me in their heads!
Okay, I admit that I’m a check writer. I resist/reject using debit cards because I believe they are used for data collecting/tracking purposes. However, upon approaching any check out counter my checkbook is in-hand and except for purchase amount, I immediately begin writing out the check so as not to delay others in line.
Did I mention that I dislike using debit cards???? Technology is not always good; itroduces a “new” set of issues/problems/concerns.
I use my debit card/visa card for everything! Even to get Sweet Tea at McDonald’s for $1! Except a couple of months ago my bank account was hacked and I had to have my debit card closed. While I waited for the new one to be mailed, I went to Wal*Mart and had to do the dreaded check writing. I honestly can’t remember the last time I wrote a check. Now this is at Wal*Mart… not some little rinky dink grocery store. I had everything written out ahead of time, and the cashier gave me my amount, and I wrote it in and handed it to her. You would of thought I gave her a pile of dog shit the way she looked at it. And then it took her a good five minutes to process it. I’m like WTF?! It’s a check!!! And then she handed my check back to keep. They don’t keep checks at Wal*Mart. Who knew?!
I have three cats that I call my “bodyguards,” until someone knocks on the door. Then they levitate off the floor and scatter through the house.
But my Charlie is a growler. If he hears a strange noise, he growls then runs.
My Simon is a growler!
I always, ALWAYS use cash (currency) at my local grocery store. No one can holler at me that way.
Robyn and Fred, you showed masterful restraint by not beating that slow check-writing lady to death right there in the store. I still see plenty of check writers these days, and they’re not ALL slow. Sometimes, I don’t even notice that someone wrote a check till the transaction’s over. But the combination of slow-as-molasses AND writing a check just makes me want to throttle someone.
Damn. Starsky and Hutch are growing so big so fast!
I love the sound of a domestic cat growling…I like all kitty noises. Well, not at three in the morning and not barfing, but in general.
Addition to previous post:
Waiting until last item is rung up before searching for checkbook in a cavernous handbag DOES torque my butt. URGE TO KILL!!!! Check book should be located ASAP while waiting on line while items are being rung up, and out/ready before last item is entered into system.