11/14/05 – The Downfall of Senator Stanley J. Boogerton

“Ladies and Gentlemen of the Press, your presence at this news conference is greatly appreciated. The Senator will make a short speech, and then there will be a ten minute question-and-answer period. Please try not to drag it out, folks. The Senator has a meeting this afternoon he can’t possibly miss. Without further delay, I present to you the next President of the United States of America, Stanley J. Boogerton!” (Applause) “Thank you, Miss Pootstein. Members of the press, thank you for attending today. As you may have already guessed, I’d like to discuss the new initiative I’m putting before Congress right now. Although sponsoring the No Kitten Left Behind Initiative has taken time away from my campaign, I think it’s vitally important to the young people of our nation, and a mentally stronger, more educated youth can only be a boon to our future. I believe you all received the detailed package describing every element of this new initiative, is that correct, Miss Pootstein?” “Sir, that’s correct, every reporter has a copy of the initiative.” “Excellent. Now, I assume you’ve all had a moment to look through the packets. Are there questions?” “Senator, Spot J. And3rson from the Washington Journal. I’d like to ask if you’d like to respond to the allegations made by a young African-American kitten earlier today.” “I… allegations? I’m sorry, no one has informed me of any allegations made by anyone. Miss Pootstein, do you know what he’s talking about?” “Sir, I have no idea.” “Senator, a young African-American kitten named Thomas J. Cullen has alleged that you acted inappropriately with him on several occasions.” “Mr. And3rson, is it? I’ve heard nothing of any allegations, and I think that you bringing up these supposed “allegations” when I’m trying to focus the attention on a very important initiative is outrageous.” “ABsolutely outrageous!.” “OutRAGEous, I say!” “So you’re saying that you deny the allegations, Senator?” “Absolutely I do! I categorically deny any inappropriate behavior with ANY child. I VEHEMENTLY deny it!” “I have pictures in my possession, Senator. Pictures given to me by Thomas J. Cullen’s mother personally. Take a look at these.” “Mr. And3rson, I can state without a doubt that those pictures are complete and utter fakes! This press conference is over. Miss Pootstein, please join me in the other room.” “YOU TOLD ME THOSE PICTURES HAD BEEN DESTROYED! We paid a ton of money, she gave us the roll of film, and you were supposed to see that the roll was destroyed!” “Sir, I swear to god, I don’t know what happened! They were supposed to be destroyed immediately, by shredding first and then by fire!” “Well, who the hell did you task with destroying the film?” “I… oh my god!” :gasp: “NOOOOOOOOOO!” “What? Who? WHO DID YOU HAVE DO IT?” “Your half brother, Spanky G. Pyle!” “WHAT?” “Sir, I’m SO SORRY! I thought for sure it was such an easy task even HE couldn’t mess it up!” “Pootstein, do you KNOW what you’ve done? This is the absolute end of my career, and they’re going to toss me in jail!” “Sir, I…” “Get away from me, woman. I never want to see your face again!” “Pyle! SPANKY G. PYLE, where are you?!” “Hrm?” “Spanky, what the HELL have you done?! What did you do with that roll of film I gave you to destroy?!” “Destroy? You wanted me to destroy that?” “Yes, DESTROY! What did you do with it?!” “Oh… Well, I made copies and sent them back to the lady you wanted me to send the money to. Is that bad?” “Pyle, if I were you, I’d pack my bags and run for the hills. Boogerton is going to have a hit man kill you slowly and painfully.” (Spanky G. Pyle, on the run) Two hours later “Ladies and Gentlemen of the press, Senator Stanley J. Boogerton would like to announce that he is withdrawing from the Presidential race due to an illness in the family. He requests that you give he and his family time and space to deal with this for now. Thankyou, goodnight, I’m sorry there’ll be no questions.”

* * *
Previously 2004: No entry. 2003: So I’m not reporting that. At all. Never happened! 2002: Riley’s response? “Nuh uh!” 2001: Dr. Phil looked at me judgmentally, and I began to babble. 2000: And I don’t even like cherry Poptarts! 1999: Fred has agreed to let me adopt the kitten! ]]>

70 thoughts on “11/14/05 – The Downfall of Senator Stanley J. Boogerton”

  1. That made me laugh out loud – I’m sure my coworkers think I’m (still) nuts! Thank you And3rson kitties! That was the BEST!

  8. Oh my God, Robyn…I haven’t laughed this hard in I can’t remember how long. For some reason, there is very little funnier to me than cats with their mouths open. Hysterically ROTFLMAO – thanks!

  9. That is the best.kitty.entry.ever! I’m sitting here laughing (okay, snorting) out loud. Well done, Robyn!

  11. Hilarious…..I was sitting here at my desk laughing, but I really wanted to roll around on the floor laughing…..good one….

  12. Robyn, what a great start to a Monday! The pictures are incredible and the story is hilarious.
    I must add: Miz Poo’s eyes look better than I’ve ever seen them. Are they current pics?
    Hope your week is a great one. It’s an important week for us and today’s entry really helps!

  13. Okay, this made me laugh my ass off. Especially the ones where the kitties aren’t saying anything just illustrating the “pregnant pause”

  14. Bwah ha ha ha a hee hoo (pissing self) whoot hee haa haa ha ha ha(coke splurts)
    Oh me…I think we need more of these..at least monthly. We could call them the Kitty Diaries..or maybe even “A few good kitties” with the Bean playing Jack Nicholson of course. (you can’t handle the truth) Poo would make a lovely Demi Moore…
    Oh and that Spanky on the run pic is one of his best yet..he is so pretty@

  20. Oh my god – a PurrGate Scandal. Will our country ever recover Oh by the way – Spot makes a great reporter. Poor Spanky – always the scapegoat. :-(*)

  33. Oh. My. God. That is INCREDIBLEY funny …but …i think Spanky is the ‘fall guy’ …for some reason ..I think Sugarbutt has his paws dirty in this. Isnt he the one supplying the dope? Blood tests for everyone!!!

  37. Gawddamm that is THE BEST entry of all gawddamm time! You should win an Oscar, Emmy, Tony and Grammy for that! BRAVO!!

  42. I don’t comment very often (even though I read all the time) but I had to break the silence to let you know that you? Are hysterical! Brilliant!

  45. Robyn – You are such a clever girl! I was spellbound! Anyone new reading your entry today just couldn’t fully appreciate it if they were not a long-time reader. What makes this hilarious is knowing your cats personalities and quirks. Loved it alot! Thanks for making my day! Let’s all stay tuned for the next episode of Stanley J. Boogerton!

  48. My eyes! That sleazy Senator with his paws all over poor,innocent Tom Cullen!I’ll never get those images out of my head!
    Girl,if the book,”Bad Cat” can make it on the best-seller list,you are sitting on a GOLDMINE!
    You are the ultimate cat pic caption writer of all time.Thanks for sharing your madness with us! :oP

  49. OMG Robyn! That was the funniest thing. My son wanted to know what had me laughing so hard and came to look over my shoulder (don’t worry, I skipped the Captions to some of the pics for him.) Thanks for sharing with us!!

  54. I totally applaud you for your creativity & talent! This has gotta go under the “Best Of” column.

  55. Absofuckinlutely FANTASTIC! You Robyn have a wicked imagination and are gifted in the art of making people pee their pants!
    That made me laugh for at least half an hour! Then I totally emailed all my friends and told them to check out your site-since I comment about it all the time anyways. Let’s just say that to some of them-you are a god!
    Keep it up!
    (and kudos to all the wonderful cast!)

  56. The best bit, for me, is the back-and-forth pics of Meester B and Miz Poo, as if the videographer were capturing the slooooooooooow realizations of truth and HORROR 🙂
    Excellent entry, Robyn, well-written (as always) and funny ! !

  57. Funniest.Thing.Ever! Applause!!! If only we knew what the cats were really saying about us humans! Gasp!

  58. Thanks for the kitty story. You’re truly a genius! The only laugh in a pretty bad day for me. My eyes are teary. My SO must think I’m nuts with all the laughing. I LOVE your kitties! And you too, of course. Keep the kitty pics coming!

  65. That was fabulous!!! How did you ever think of it and then put it together that way? You really should make a book out of your kitty pictures and captions. More photo essays like this—you’re the bomb!

  66. Methinks you’ve been watching too many press conferences or political thriller movies…
    But what a clever, brilliant entry!

  68. OMG—That was sooooo funnnnnie!!!! I loved the pictures and the story!! I see a Kitty Kat Book in your future!!!LOL!!! Nanamama 🙂

  70. Robyn, I must have missed this entry last year, but oh, my GOD. One of the funniest entries I’ve ever seen. I called in my whole family to look at it, and we were all in hysterics.
    I swear, you should send your cat photos to one of those magazines (Cat Fancy? Cat Fancier?). You have an amazing ability to capture expressions and personality in cats.

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