Downtown Girls: The Hookers of Hawaii (what? We love those HBO documentaries!), and in case you don’t want to click on that link, I’ll tell you that it’s about four male-born prostitutes in Honolulu. One of them has had sexual reassignment surgery, two of them haven’t but want to, and one hasn’t and doesn’t want to. In any case, it was certainly interesting. But it was while they were showing the six hundredth closeup of “Barbie-Q”s ass that I came up with a most excellent idea. You know how they sell shorts for girls that have writing across the ass that say “Juicy” and whatever else? They should totally sell shorts for older women that say “Saggy” and “Flabby.”
I know I’d buy a pair.
The documentary was interesting, but I don’t know who the filmmaker’s got doing those incredibly cheesy introductory segments – I suspect it’s the filmmaker himself – but they need to GO. They’re incredibly cheesy and don’t add a damn thing (except cheesiness) to the show.
* * *
Those of you who suggested in yesterday’s comments that I read
The Omnivore’s Dilemma, rest assured that though I haven’t read it yet, I do own it and will be reading it long before it comes time to slaughter any chickens. I’m looking forward to it!
* * *
Know what I hate? (You: “Everything?”) I hate it when you subscribe to a magazine, and THREE YEARS before your subscription is up, the magazine is fucking HOUNDING you at least once a week, trying to get you to extend your subscription. And as a special offer, you can get a FREE one-year subscription to the same magazine to give as a gift! Woo! Hoo!
I think it’s utterly ridiculous, considering that my subscription is good through the end of 2010, that Self Magazine is sending me mail telling me about this super-duper offer where I can give a one-year gift subscription to someone AND extend my own subscription by a year for the AMAZING two-for-one price! Well, I’ve been suckered into giving the free one-year gift subscription in the past, and you know what happens? Right around March, the goddamn magazines start harassing you to extend the gift subscription or the person with whom you gifted the one-year subscription might miss out!
And it’s not JUST Self Magazine, it’s pretty much every goddamn magazine I subscribe to – and I subscribe to a LOT of magazines – and it’s really pissing me off that every time I go out to get the mail, I have a pile of “Hurry! Offer ends soon!” and “Special 2-for-1 price!” bullshit.
Why I subscribe to so many goddamn magazines, I don’t know. I’m perpetually behind in reading them, and often times when I get around to reading an issue of People, we’ve swung from sympathy-for-Britney to god-Britney-is-a-boozing-whore and back again. I should just cancel all the subscriptions I have and read the same shit online, but I can’t help it. I have a magazine addiction!
* * *
I watched the first episode of
Real Housewives of Orange County (Season 3!) yesterday, and there was this part that totally made me splutter. It involved
Vicki, the super-spazzy control-freak “housewife” and her daughter, Briana. Vicki says “Briana is such a good kid, I’m getting her a new car!”, so she goes and gets her a BMW, I think, and she shows up at Briana’s apartment and honks the horn ’til Briana comes out, and she’s all “It’s a new car! For you!” and Briana’s all “Shut UP!”, but she’s NOT acting excited, most likely because she’s thinking “Whaaaaat’s the catch, Control-Freak Momma?” and Vicki’s all jumping around screaming and “Aren’t you excited, Briana?!” and just as Briana gets suckered in and is all “Hey, this is kind of cool!” Control-Freak Momma says “Yeah, I got it for you! I mean, you’ll be making the payments every month, but it’s yours!”
And there’s a pop-up on the screen that tells us that the monthly payments will be $375, and I was all “Um, wha?” You go and get a car “for” someone and then are all “Yeah, but you can make the payments! Buh-bye!”? What kind of shit is THAT? I’d be all kinds of royally pissed if someone said “I got you a car!” and then told me I had to make payments. That is not “getting” someone a car, that is BULLYING SOMEONE INTO DRIVING THE KIND OF CAR YOU WANT THEM TO DRIVE. What if Briana wanted a Mustang? What if she wanted a shitty little $2,000 car?
I think she totally should have been “Yeah, I don’t think so, Control-Freak Momma. Buh-bye!”, but she admitted herself that she’s scared of her mother and wouldn’t dream of crossing her.
That show is absolutely my number one guilty pleasure.
* * *
The foster kittens continue to do well. From the skittish bunch they were when we first got them, they’ve chilled out into pretty friendly ones. None of them care for being held, but they’ll put up with it for a minute or two, all of them except Deuce. Deuce prefers that his kitten-human bonding time involve him grabbing a finger with one of his claws and then pulling it (the finger) close so that he can lick and chew on it. He’s such a sweet guy, but definitely not a snuggler.
They seem to do the majority of their running around at night. We sit and watch TV and can hear them directly overhead, rolling toys across the floor and thumping around like monkeys.
Talk about your come-hither look!
Malley in the sun.
Fight!
“No, I’m serious! There’s a pile of catnip THIS HIGH! We’ve gotta figure out how to get to it!” (Jesikat looks skeptical)
Sweet little Peyton.
Spooky in the sun.
Malley in the sun.
*********************
Yesterday evening I was in the kitchen cleaning up, and Tommy started dancing around making his whiny
I’m-disturbed noises, so I looked up to see a wasp hovering around the ceiling light. I grabbed the fly swatter and started swatting at the wasp, and eventually it ventured into the path of the fly swatter and I smacked it like a tennis ball, and it went flying.
I was standing in the middle of the kitchen looking for the wasp (they’re kind of hard to spot on a dark wood floor sometimes), when I heard Sugarbutt (who’d been hanging out on top of the cabinets) come racing around toward the refrigerator, then stop and sniff vigorously. He backed up suddenly, and started scrubbing at his face with one paw, so I grabbed the stepladder and climbed up to look on top of the cabinets, where I saw the wasp laying and kicking in a death-throes manner. I smacked it several times, then scooped it up with the swatter, climbed back down to floor level, and went and tossed it out to the chickens. (I don’t know if the chickens actually eat the wasps I toss out there, but they certainly get excited when I do it.) A few minutes later Sugarbutt came down from his perch and Fred got a close look at him, and told me he’d definitely been stung by the wasp, because one side of his mouth was all pink and swollen.
Long story short (too late!), Fred gave him an antihistamine, and within the hour Sugarbutt was completely back to normal. Considering that the last time one of the cats was stung by a wasp (Miz Poo, several years ago), she ended up at the vet’s for the day and a large bill, I’m relieved.
* * *
Previously
2006: To prove that I have NO PRIDE WHATSOEVER, I post for your enjoyment a picture Rick took of me.
2005: It’s a fucking mystery.
2004: I seem to be a tad less fluttery today.
2003: No entry.
2002: Pictures.
2001: Fred in the dog house. Literally.
2000: I said “It’s a good thing you put your first AND last name, PLUS ‘your daughter’, otherwise I’d never have known!”
1999: Oddly, even though he’s had two doses of the antibiotic, he’s feeling worse instead of better. ]]>
Poor Sugs!!!
Here are my questions for the extravaganza!
1) We readers have gotten so much out of your journal over the years. (Thank you, thank you!!) I’m just wondering if there are any ways you feel journaling has benefited you? I know that counselors, Oprah, etc., always advise keeping a journal for a number of reasons. How do you think a long-term journal like this has affected your life?
2) You always seem so upbeat and forward-thinking — I know you joke about being crabby, but I always think of you as upbeat. Is there anything that ever gets you down?
3) I must have missed this in the house remodeling journal entries — did you and Fred put up the crown molding yourselves? Was it difficult to do? Was it expensive?
Thanks, Robyn! 🙂
Hi Robyn – Here is one for the comment answering extravaganza: How many readers do you have? It seems that most of the sites I visit reference you occassionally so I was curious.
What kind of antihistamine can you give a cat? That is the way I kill wasps also. Poor sugar-baby, I’m glad he got well so fast.
I like the “look at sugs lip while I choke him!” photo. My dog abby ate a bee one year (4th of july! hello holiday vet rates!) She was just a puppy (lab) and her nose swelled up to the size of a baseball. Poor thing.
I hope Briana thinks about the fact that she doesn’t have to make the payments because the car isn’t in her name. 😀
I bet Sug loved posing for that middle one… HAHA.
Poor Suggie. I did not think that cats or dogs swelled up from bee stings. I now know better.
Boy, did you hit on a pet peeve of mine!!!I know it sounds lame, but some magazines drive me nuts because I can’t remember when I renewed right away and it’s impossible to figure out their codes on the mailing label. I’m wondering if the constant renewals and two for ones are the only way they stay in business.
I’m SO with you on the HBO documentaries. Are they not fan-freakin’-tastic??? I love them. I need to watch the Honolulu Hookers one though. I’ve been meaning to do that.
My favorite documentary, by far, was the one “About a Boy”. CA-RA-AZY.
http://www.hbo.com/docs/programs/boys_life/index.html
That’s the link to that documentary if you wanted to know what I’m talking about.
I’m the annoying poster today. It’s called “A Boy’s Life”, not “About a Boy”, which coicidentally is one of my favorites movies with Hugh Grant in it.
Here’s my question for tomorrow. What are you holding in the photo of you in the upper left corner of your masthead? I’ve looked at it and looked at it and can’t figure it out.
Also, that Vicki, control-freak mom drives me insane! I watched…was it last year? Where she showed up at her son’s college apartment unannounced and then was all hurt when A.) he was still sleeping and NOT anxiously looking out the window waiting for her and B.) NOT at all excited to have her there. Arg!
awww…and I thought the same exact thing about Vicki’s present. And she was all mad at her daughter for not being happy enough? Whatevs!
Oh and why was it (I just started watching a few episodes back) that the mom of the daughter who graduated (aside from being fucked up) didn’t gather the brother with her for the graduation? I mean, why was he “allowed” to miss it in the first place. All us siblings went to one another’s things. No questions asked!
HUGE magazine pet peeve: When you finally justify subscribing to a magazine because you’ve bought the last six issues at the newsstand and they send you three old issues as the first issues of your subscription!
Also: anyone else out there disappointed that Jane was cancelled? And replaced with Allure?!! WTF?
Here’s a cat question for you…..my male cat Tigger is about 15 years old, has always had good health, suddenly starting pooing on the floor last year. These poos were very dry and hard. Took him to the vet, nothing apparently wrong. I changed his diet to a brand of dry food that had the highest moisture content I could find (incidently it is labelled as an indoor cat food). I give him fresh water daily so that was not the problem and he seemed to be drinking lots of it. Now a couple of days ago I found a stool on the floor, same thing, hard and dry. I started giving him half a can of wet food a day and so far no more stools on the floor. The problem is that no one except Tigger loves the smell of wet cat food. Any thoughts? I’ve been thinking that he’s not drinking as much lately but I don’t know what to do to make him drink more.
Oh I forgot to mention that after I changed his food last year his stools went back to normal. Oh and the vet had absolutely no good ideas at all, he was thinking more that it was a litter box problem where I think it is a diet thing.
Jen, I’ve had the same problem with my very old Archie. Every now and then, usually when I’ve run out of the wet cat food and have given him only the dry stuff, there are hard dry poos on the floor that he’s kicked out of the litter box. (So hard they fly in the air — yuck!)
He does drink water, though — he even likes to get into the shower after one of us has showered and drinks the water that puddles around the drain.
It isn’t a behaviour problem, it’s an aging-cat problem.
Hey, at least it isn’t diarrhea…
I swear it was you who talked about making apple crisp, wasn’t it? I looked in your recipes and it’s not there. Can you share it if it was you?
Pam
What happened to Sadie the dog?
I know that you’ve probably answered this somewhere, but I can’t find it.
Amber
I have a picture of our cat Chipper very very similar to the middle one of Sugarbutt, except that it’s my daughter throttling him whilst taking the photo and poor Chipper is wearing her sunglasses. 🙂
Here’s a question for you: In your momumental pile of books, did you ever get around to reading Outlander? I know you said it was on your radar screen at some point in the past.
Robyn, do you read or watch TV bed?
SAMMI
OK, I am a freaking idiot, because I can’t tell which side of Sugarbutt’s mouth is swollen — it looks the same to me. (But I am glad he’s better.)
OK, Amber must have been reading your previous entries because I have and I have the same question — what happened to the dog??? (I seem to recall his incompatibility with the And3erson cats forced his exile to a new family — and life on a farm, if I recall correctly.)
I love that O.C. Housewives show! I was thinking the same thing — forcing your child to pay for a car you picked out is NOT a gift. Briana seems so normal and I think that control freak Vickie is trying to get Briana to be as superficial and self-absorbed as she is.
Are you going to be doing the giveaways again anytime soon?
I am looking forward to seeing your virtual house tour 🙂
Hi mom! I have a question. Tell everyone what you think of the new law that they just passed to ban sex toys ^_^ I just heard about that.
Ha! Your daughter is a skimmer!
Question… of the utmost blinding importance— wait for it… Do you know the name of the font used in the “Beware” part of your banner? I love that old victorian loopy kind of script !!
Huggles…