I’ve seen this meme all over LiveJournal. In the comments, answer this question:
“If you saw me in a police car, what would you think I got arrested for?”
Holy god in heaven, I take A LOT of freakin’ pictures. All year long, I copy all the pictures I take of our cats and foster kittens into a folder called “2008.” The idea is that in November I can quickly go through the pictures and pick out the best of the best and make Foster Kitties calendars and And3rson Kitties calendars for 2009, and put the link up here and anyone who’s interested can order them from Cafepress.
We never sell a lot of calendars – just a handful – but I have a few people who buy them faithfully every year and it’s worth the effort to make them happy, and I always buy one of each to have here, and I charge $1 over the base price and donate the money I make to the shelter I volunteer for. It’s win-win!
So yesterday I opened the “2008” folder to start separating pictures into “And3rson kitties” and “foster kitties” folders, and do you want to know how many pictures I took last year of cats (and pigs and chickens)?
Almost 3,000.
Took me most of the afternoon to separate the pictures into the two folders, and that’s just the beginning – now I have to go through and delete all the ones that won’t work for calendar pictures, and then make Fred help me narrow them down to the final choices.
I’m not complaining, though – it was nice to see the pictures I’ve taken over the past year, and my GOD Kara’s babies were adorable. I saw a picture of the Rock Star as a baby, and squealed, she was so freakin’ cute.
The calendars should be available the middle of next week, hopefully. Maybe before then!
Those of you who suggested that I buy a belt in yesterday’s comments, thanks for the suggestion! I’m embarrassed to admit that it never occurred to me, and I might as well go ahead and give it a try – if it works for me, I’m going to feel like an idiot. (Luckily, that’s a familiar feeling for me. Ha!)
Shelly suggested some jeans from LL Bean. Since I have a gift card from there, I’m going to give them a try. Teri C. suggested those jeans that have elastic inserts at the back – another thing I never thought of, but seems so obvious! MichelleB mentioned Old Navy, and I’ve actually been looking at their web site over the past few days, thinking about getting some of their hoodies because I’m a hood rat this year (HAR HAR, that joke courtesy of Fred) and their hoodies are inexpensive. I don’t think I’ve ever bought anything from Old Navy, but it might be time to start. They also have some simple cotton pants I’ve been looking at that I might find comfortable.
The issue with my body is that I literally have NO FUCKING WAIST, every pair of pants I wear slide down my body ’til they hit my butt, which stops them from going any further. And my entire life I’ve been used to wearing my pants around my belly button, but that’s just too damn high for me (apparently my belly button was lower before I had my lower body lift), and so it very well might be a drawn-out process before I find something that works for me. My waist measures 35 inches (while I’d love it to measure something more like 28 inches, that’s just not the way I’m made) and my hips measure 39 inches, and those four inches? All ass. If my butt were flat, I can guarantee you that my hips would measure exactly the same as my waist. If you look at me straight-on, I have no waist indentation at all. It’s kind of frustrating, but I guess not everyone’s meant to have an hourglass shape.
I was going to spend the day shopping today, but due to the onset of PMS rage, I think it’s best that I spend as little time in public as possible. Maybe I’ll just run up to Wal-Mart and buy a belt and go from there.
Over the weekend, I finally got a picture to use for the holiday cards I’ll be sending out this year, and got the cards ordered.
(Don’t send me your name and address just yet – I don’t do that sort of thing ’til AFTER Thanksgiving! I refuse to!)
I also got someone to volunteer to cover for me at the pet store on Thanksgiving morning. I was a little worried about that, to be honest, because I didn’t figure anyone would want to do it, but not ten minutes after I sent out an email, someone offered to cover for me.
We’re not doing the usual Thanksgiving this year. Fred’s sister and her husband are going to be in France (he’s from France, so they go back and visit when they can) and it’s his father and stepmother’s turn to have Thanksgiving with us (his parents alternate years), so Fred invited his niece and her husband, and his nephew and his fiancee to have Thanksgiving with us. His niece and her husband are scheduled to have Thanksgiving dinner with her father’s mother a little after noon and his nephew is working, so Fred suggested we do breakfast rather than the usual turkey-and-stuffing meal and eat mid-morning, and everyone was up for that, so it’ll be us, his parents, his niece and her husband for a Crooked Acres breakfast.
His father is very sensitive to the nitrates in bacon, so he’s looking forward to eating fresh bacon that’ll be cooked with nothing but salt and pepper. We’re going to have sausage, scrambled eggs, of course, and I’m sure biscuits and gravy.
I think I went off-topic there. All I meant to say is that I’ve been putting off asking if anyone would be willing to cover for me at the pet store because since we’ll be eating early, there was no way I’d make it into Huntsville, clean cages, and get home before everyone showed up. It was really nice to have that taken care of so quickly!
I will tell you what – when you are cold, there’s nothing that warms you up better than to have four mid-sized kittens pile atop you and fall asleep. I don’t know what the average cat temperature runs, but I’m guessing somewhere in the two-hundred-degree range. I was SO cold yesterday morning that I finally went upstairs and laid down on the bed and all four cats piled around me, and it was like having four furnaces turned on high then piled on and around me, and I was toasty warm in no time at all.
If I could knit, I’d knit a duster-type coat with big pockets in it, so I could load a cat or kitten into each pocket and they could keep me warm all winter long!
Lem in the back, Marion in the front. I don’t know why, but I just adore this picture.
More pics over at L&H.
::fume::
Previously
2007: Brudderly love.
2006: No entry.
2005: Apparently I’ve got the Jaws of Doom.
2004: Reader questions.
2003: Of course, my immediate response is “Are you on drugs???”
2002: I think that everyone there had a little cartoon question mark over their head, ’cause I sure as shit did.
2001: No entry.
2000: No entry.
1999: No entry.
average between 101 to 102 degrees. Better than the old bed warmers because they don’t cool off. 😉
Stealing little funny doll hats from the craft store.
Oh Dear God, poor Boogs. The humiliation, the embarrassment, the wonderful color combination! I have tried with no success to get ours to wear a lovely, bedazzeled purple sombrero. Seems to upset their feline sensibilities.
Uh, Robyn? You do know Mr. Boogers is going to smother you in your sleep, right?
I would assume you were charged with cat burglary
Shooting a chicken thief. But they would let you off because a person has a right to defend their property. But then they would make a tv movie about it. Jennifer Aniston would play you. Vince Vaughn would play Fred.
Robyn in a police car? I would think it would be for “liberating” an abused animal from some idiot who called the police in retaliation. You would be completely exonerated, of course! 🙂
Oh my gosh, are you serious? INDECENT EXPOSURE, hands down. I mean, what else?
😉
Please step away from the doll hats. Why in the police car? Of course, victim of revenging, hat wearing cats.
At first, the kitten picture looked like Lem had a giant, blurry eye ball. Too funny.
I don’t have a waist, either, and what fits me is (are?) MEN’S JEANS! I can find a pair of men’s jeans in five minutes, but it might take me a few months to find a pair of women’s jeans to fit right off the rack. Happy Thanksgiving!
~~Kath~~
Chicken hording. DUH!
I might think indecent exposure – running around outside chasing wayward animals in barely a stitch of clothing.
I don’t know why I woudl think that, but that is what popped into my head 🙂
Ladybug terrorism.
Running a “cat” house! Ha!
I like everyone else’s answers better, but what I thought, seriously, was some sort of vigilante behavior against someone who hurt animals.
I will say, with Old Navy, you have to try EVERYTHING on. Even stuff that’s the same style/size/cut, whatever. One pair of jeans might fit you perfectly, and you buy 2, of the SAME jeans only to take them both home and find out the one you didn’t try on was built for toddlers. Not that I’ve ever experienced that, no sirree.
I’m with Lori, if I saw you in a police car I would think you attacked someone who was hurting an animal, especially if it was a cat.
I agree with Lori – it’d be for kicking the shit twelve ways out of someone who dumped a box of kittens or kept a starving dog on a chain or something.
Well… okay, it wouldn’t be for kicking the shit out of them twelve ways; probably for breaking and entering to rescue the animal/leave a stern note shaming them for their behavior, but still, it would involve your avenging mistreated animals.
Or possibly for cussing in front of some Delicate Flower and exposing her Precious Precious Babies to Such Foul Language.
I.. don’t know why I went all capsy there, sorry.
What would I assume? Breaking in to the pet store after hours to rescue a foster kitty. 🙂
Also, an hourglass figure is not necessarily all it’s cracked up to be, especially if your hourglass is larger on one side than the other. I don’t know my measurements now (and don’t want to) but for a good portion of my young adult life, my measurements were something like 35-24-44. (Baby got BACK!) Jeans that would fit up over my ass would then gape open so much in the waist that I *couldn’t* tuck a shirt in – nothing to hold it in place. Having the waists taken in was the only way to get anything to fit, but since money was always an issue, the best I could do was use safety pins. Dresses were the worst, because if I could get them to fit my behind, it only served to accentuate how “lacking” I was in the upper-level department. A lot of my clothes choices today (loose baggy shirts, tight jeans) stem from my unbalanced figure, even though I’ve balanced out a bit. (Still have the “hourglass,” it just holds a lot more time nowadays. Heh.)
And oh Lord, what I wouldn’t give to have that figure back! I can’t BELIEVE I ever complained about it!!! I was such a fool…
If I saw Robyn in a police car, I would say to myself,”huh, Poor Robyn must have finally snapped,killed Fred and burried him in the back 40″.
Don’t buy a belt at Walmart! You might as well throw money into the trash. Invest in a real leather belt! They last A LOT longer. 🙂
Robyn – try Lee Comfort Waist Jeans which you can find at JC Penney. The waistband stretches without looking like elastic. They work for me and I have the same “no-waist” problem.
PMS rage, of course!
So, I know you and Fred have read a ton of books on farming/canning/raising animals/gardening/etc. We’re making a move (sudden, and completely unexpected) from Columbia, MO to a tiny town in Michigan to live with my brother and his family on a small farm. You and Fred have inspired wifelet and I to raise chickens, garden, etc. So, can you list some books that have helped you out? Or if you’ve put them in entries that are easy to find, I’d even be good with links. We’re overwhelmed, but excited! Thanks for any help!
I wouldn’t so much assume you were being arrested as I would figure you were giving statements to defend something Fred had been accused of (and wrongfully accused, I’m sure.)
I would assume that you were volunteering to ride-a-long for an outreach program that helped rescue kittens from trees. This is how goody two-shoes I think you are!
p.s. My answer would be totally different if I saw Nance in a squad car. But there are so many reasons why she might be there, I can’t even get it down to one! heh. Shhhh. don’t tell Nance what I said.
Police Car? Something to do with SCOOP HANDS.
Mr. Boogers has the HET eyes, but he also seems to have a wee smile. Perhaps from plotting his revenge.
I agree with Lori in Houston. Lee Comfort Waist are the jeans to try. I’m heading for Penny’s this week to get a couple more pair. Hope they have a darker shade, they say they are more slenderizing.
Robyn in a police car? It would probably involve trying to put a hat on Mr. Boogers, chasing him outside and catching those two guys trying to steal your chickens. Your pants would fall down and you’d tie the guys up with them and have to ride to the police station to get your pants back. 😀
Indecent exposure is what popped immediately into my mind (I have no idea why), but Say got there first in the comments. Maybe you were being arrested for having 9 too many cats!
Robyn in a police car? Yeah, the first thing that came to mind was the accidental indecent exposure that several other people had thought of.
But then I saw this video of a cat on a Roomba, and I had visions of one of the And3rson kitties taking a joy ride that got out of control, and… well… you can just imagine.
don’t forget to make hashbrown casserole for your thanksgiving brunch!
if i saw you in the back of a squad car, i would immediately think you had crushed fred’s head with those gigantic scoop hands and fed the body to the pigs.
you could probably use the scoop hands to toss one mutha of a salad.
€o you have a Fashion Bug near you? If not you can find them online! They sell a line of pants and jeans that are called “right fit” and they are designed for 3 different figure types, you are probably a yellow. They have been great for me!
Two words baby
“BAR FIGHT”
It wouldn’t be worth it, otherwise!
I was once given a ride by a police officer when my car broke down, and you HAD to ride in the back, regulations or some such. Whenever I see someone in the back of a police care I look to see if their hands are restrained behind them or if they look all conversational and jolly with the officer(s). That will be my trick if I’m ever hauled in, look pleasantly interested and engrossed in a conversation.
But if the coppers really took you down, I would think that it would be for defending Fred. If he were threatened you’d say, “I got this baby, I don’t want you to mess your hair up!” and you’d take ’em down to Chinatown.
Do your cats ever try to fool you into feeding them more than the regular times? Our dog has discovered if she acts excited and makes enthusiatic false charges at the door to the garage one of us will assume she hasn’t been fed yet. We call it her Jedi Dog Trick. “You have not yet fed the dog. You will now feed the dog.”
Tee hee, “Jedi Dog Trick”! Our dog was so good at it that we made a little “fed” sign to put on top of the food cannister. He hasn’t yet figured that out; I’m sure he will someday and he’ll start hiding the sign.
And I see Robyn being taken away for intentional humiliation of cats.