11-03-07

I cleared out about a year ago. Also, holy SHIT. Newt was a total teeny baby this time last year – he was clearly NOT fully grown at that point, as this picture can attest. Newt111806 (flickr) Not that he’s so much bigger now – he’s just a small cat, really, especially compared to our indoor lazy-ass pigs who are twice his size – but now he looks like he’s all growed up.

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Yesterday I had to run to the bank to deposit a check, and on the way home I stopped at the grocery store. The grocery store is having a big, fancy grand opening (Piggly Wiggly bought them out) (I’ll let you just sit with the idea that Piggly Wiggly was having a big, fancy grand opening. Heh.) and as a result, they had a stand in front of the store selling hot dogs and soda, and also someone dressed up in a pig outfit, given that “Mr. Pig” is the store mascot. Also, a local country radio station was in attendance, blaring their music across the parking lot. I went in, got what I needed to, paid (one of the big managers was running the cash register, and may I just say – I know we’re supposed to be all impressed and “Look! He’s a man of the people!” when a big manager shows up at a store opening and runs the cash register, but JESUS CHRIST they are always slow as shit. Leave it to the professionals, big managers! I got places to go and people to see AND IT SHOULDN’T TAKE THAT LONG TO FUMBLE OUT THREE ONE DOLLAR BILLS.). So I grabbed my groceries and headed for the door, and I was looking off to the side where the radio station van was sitting, trying to figure out if I’d get something for free if I went over there, when I bumped into something soft. Something large and soft. “Oh, sorry!” I said, and turned my head to find that Mr. Pig was standing there, smiling malevolently at me. As I stared in horror, he opened his arms wide and moved closer in a bid for a hug. I think my exact response was “Eek!” I backed up, then ducked around him and high-stepped it to my car, glancing nervously over my shoulder as I went. Rather than chase me across the parking lot, Mr. Pig turned to force a little old lady into a hug. She didn’t look all that happy about it, but she let him hug her, and after he hugged her, he did a little dance. That’s the stuff of nightmares, right there.
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Let me add here that the above story would be much better if I had turned to find Mr. Pig standing there and reacted by screaming at the top of my lungs, dropping my groceries, and running like hell across the parking lot. In fact, just thinking about the possibility makes me giggle.
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Tommy and Boog Determine Just Who the Boss Is ‘Round These Parts (A pictorial) ::fume:: This round goes to Tommy, but with all that het in his heart, I think we know Mister Boogers will surely make a comeback.
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Previously 2006: Maddy’s new Mommy and Daddy came a-visitin’ yesterday. 2005: Huh. I was wondering why Tom Cullen was snooping around in the stamp drawer 2004: The spud and I stood patiently by while the man chattered at the school employees for several minutes and then my head exploded, scattering brain matter everywhere. 2003: “Jessica Lynch!” I said. “Isn’t she the only POW we’ve ever had in all of history?” 2002: No entry. 2001: No entry. 2000: No entry. 1999: She went in and treated the whole office to a very loud gagging sound (she gets that from her mother), and came out a few minutes later a little less green. ]]>

15 thoughts on “11-03-07”

  3. gah, those large costumed people always seem to be about the affection– and they really creep me out (too).
    heh, you’re all giggly about the wiggly 😀

  5. I’m shuddering in sympathy at your pig encounter (now you know how I feel about CLOWNS, damn them to hell), but the thought of you throwing up your arms and shrieking as you ran across the parking lot makes me giggle, too. 🙂

  6. Uh, why did the Store Manager feel it was his place to be giving out hugs? That’s kinda gross…I have no desire to hug any of the employees at my local Kroger or any other grocery store in the area. Icky! LOL

  10. we had the pig when i lived in memphis. i remember once i was in the parking lot with my 3 year old son waiting on my mom to finish shopping. the mr. pigman was standing on a very busy street, waving at the cars. a gust of went sent him reeling across the parking lot and he almost fell into the street. the dudes at the bus stop said, “get your m***** f****** pork a$$ out of the street!”
    the next time we went shopping with my sainted christian mother-in-law, my son asked if we were going to the m***** f****** pork a$$ store. i thought my mother-in-law was going to shit a brick. ah, such lovely memories of piggly wiggly, a true southern tradition!

  11. man o man between you and the Pig and Lisa and her MF pork a$$ store story, I have just about peed myself. Thanks for the great laugh!

  12. Sadly ours was run outta town by the SuperCenter. Piggly Wiggly’s are a dying breed, I grew up with one so it makes me kinda happy to see one buying someone ELSE out for a change.
    Gawd at what makes me happy these days, I am grasping here.

  13. Seriously? A giant pig tried to hug you in the grocery store? Good god. I think I’d have to run that bastard over with a shopping cart or something. Ack.

  14. This is why you are destined to post on saturdays – we might have missed a good giant pig hug story. And that would be sad. I have a picture of me and my cousin with petunia pig at great america…I was 7ish and BAWLING. Like the boogs, I het that pig.
    🙂
    and omg could newt be any cuter?! aaawww.

  15. Those kitties and their fights. I’ve started going “Fight, fight, fight!” when the ears go down and the seriously licking starts. I don’t know why, but the cats think they can get the upper hand by starting an “innocent” licking party and then go for the slap down.

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