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Further proof, in case you needed it, that I’m a dumbass. Sunday, Fred and I went to Lowe’s, and we bought a smoker, because he’s been talking about how good a smoked chicken would be, plus he’s been wanting to try his hand at smoking jalapenos and bell peppers. Then we stopped at the grocery store and picked up a couple of chickens and a roast.
Yesterday, when I was at the pet store and doing some grocery shopping, he began the smoking process. In the morning, he smoked the chicken and the roast, and once those were done, cooled, and put in the fridge, he smoked a bunch of jalapenos and green bell peppers.
I had a little bit of the chicken, and it was just as good as it smelled (ie, fabulous), and so we decided to have the chicken for dinner. Since we had fairly fresh eggplant and okra in the fridge, I decided to oven fry them, and while that stuff was cooking in the oven, Fred started talking about his smoked jalapenos.
“They’re really good!” he enthused. “I ate a couple, and they have a smoky pepper flavor, but they’re not hot in the slightest. I think I’m going to experiment with them.”
While he mused in silence about the smoked jalapeno experiments he might perform in the future, I went completely Dumbass, and I thought to myself that a smoked pepper sounded like it would be REALLY good.
(And lest you forget, I don’t like hot things, and I also don’t like bell peppers, which are not hot in the slightest to me. Why I thought a smoked pepper would be appealing, I do not know.)
So I went into the laundry room and pulled the container of smoked jalapenos from the fridge, and I popped one in my mouth.
And my mouth burst into flames. Instead of doing what someone with half a brain might do and spit the goddamn thing out, I finished chewing it and then swallowed. My mouth burned. My tongue burned. And Fred said “Oh, you’re not EVEN going to tell me that that’s hot!”
For the next ten minutes, I did all I could to stop the flames that were burning my mouth to a crisp – drank water, sucked on an ice cube, ate yogurt. I know the best way to stop the pain is to drink milk, but I don’t like the taste of milk, so I didn’t.
(Later, it occurred to me that it wasn’t like I was going to be able to TASTE the milk through the taste of burning flesh, but I didn’t think of that at the time.)
Eventually, the pain went away and I ate dinner and it was good, but I’ve gotta wonder – WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING?! Don’t like jalapenos, don’t like peppers, and yet I thought popping an entire jalapeno in my mouth was a good idea?
Hopefully I’ll remember the pain next time I’m tempted to do such a dumbass thing, but I’m not counting on it.
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So. New kittens! I spent the weekend Fall cleaning and getting stuff moved out of the kitten room closet because I’ve decided to use the closet to put the litter boxes in, so we can hang out in the kitten room itself without worry about sitting in litter.
Yesterday afternoon I went and picked up the new bunch of fosters, freshly tested and neutered/ spayed. They’re about three months old, and they were a little nervous at first, but warmed up very quickly. I named them after the people of my favorite podcast, Keith and the Girl.
Chemda.
Keith, doing standup while Chemda gauges audience reaction.
Khalili.
Patrice.
Brolo.
I would have named one Spooky, but we didn’t have enough boys, so I’ll save that for a future litter.
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And… I am supposed to sleep where, exactly?
Brudderly love.
Doesn’t it just melt your heart?
10/9/07
Your story about eating the hot pepper is even funnier when one remembers your post from yesterday railing against the hot. Laughing. Out. Loud. Seriously.
Lanna: Oh, I KNOW! And what’s worse is that Fred wasn’t even trying to convince me to eat one, I just decided it sounded good, and I should give it a try. DUHHHHH. Me = dumbass.
I have found a great kitty litter product that you might be able to find a use for. They seem kind of stupid, but doggone it, they work! They are these strange little plastic mats with grooves in them, and I put them around the litter box in the closet where mine stays, and between that and aiming the open door toward the BACK of the closet? NO more litter scattered on the floor and tracked outside the closet! Woohoo! Check it out, Litter Mats from Harriet Carter.
Your comforter and your bedroom are beautiful!
I want Chemda and Brolo!! Please box them up (with air holes and kibble) and Fed-Ex to Elayne at 54… wait, 56… hold on, I have to go find out my new address and then you can mail the kitties to me.
‘Snuggle slut’ 🙂
Next time, Robyn, (even though I know there won’t be) try eating a piece of bread to stop the burning. New kitties are so cute!
If there is a next time, try eating a piece of bread or some crackers to absorb the hot flames of hell in your mouth.
ok – now you need the following:
http://www.amazon.com/Smoke-Spice-Cooking-Real-Barbecue/dp/1558322620/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/102-0113946-2212114?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1191944021&sr=8-1
and this site has the best instruction for briskets and pork butts
http://virtualweberbullet.com/
we do a ton of smoking, so feel free to email with questions
you know what works better than milk for the pain from tasty spicy treats? dump sugar on your tongue and slowly let it melt over your tongue…once it is gone you will still feel some stinging from the pain so you might have to eat about 2 to 3 spoons of sugar to calm your mouth…but it works…
well, it works for me…dunno if it’ll do the same for everyone…
but if you cannot do milk…then bread will absorb the oil from the pepper in your mouth too. supposedly citrusy things help the pain, as well…drink lemonade or eat an orange slice.
I looked at the link for the litter mats. They look like a good possibility but the information doesn’t say what they are made of. Kathy? Robyn? Anyone?
Brolo’s markings are gorgeous. 😛
Bread works very well to calm the flames, so does a plain tortilla with nothing on it. (Butter
will spread the hotness over the rest of your tongue.) I think bread works better than milk, here.
The kitties are cute. Chemda and Keith look thinner than kittens are supposed to look, but I
think you’ll probably take care of that with proper feeding and cosseting. Why are kittens
so damn cute you forgive them everything they do — and then they turn into cats and they’re still
doing it.
Since you owe me for keeping Maryanne, how’s bout sending us Patrice? I mean, my 30th (yes, THIRTYITH) birthday is a week from tomorrow and it’s the only thing I want!!
I MUST have Khalili ! She is absolutely gorgeous! My eyes hurt with the cuteness that she is! If I had a car I would hop in and drive the ump-teen hours down to Alabama to get the little rascal! Since I don’t forsee this being a possibility any time soon, could you please smother her with lurv and attention from me?
Jenn:
For god’s sake! Aren’t there cats in Washington? Give it a REST.
Robyn, where did you find your purple sheets? I’ve been looking for purple sheets for a long damn time and yours are the first I’ve seen that I like!
I was wondering if Fred can smoke them without the seeds and the top part by the stem? I believe those parts are the hottest. Maybe it would be tolerable for you.
Now whenever I listen KATG, I will think of those precious kitties!
Smoking is overrated.
Besides, I heard smoking jalepenos is hard on the lungs.
Ba da dum…
You’re so welcome.
Jane: Yes but they are too political. We refuse to go into pet stores anymore. Last time we did, we came hoe with Aimee. And all she does is while and bitch and complain and run around and gets on her soapbox. No more DC cats for us, NOPE!