Surrender, Dorothy. I don’t know when I read it the first time (it wasn’t in 2003, 2004, or 2005, ’cause it’s not on any of my reading lists), but I don’t remember what ultimately happens in the course of the book, so I’m going to finish reading it. It’s a short book.
As an aside, every time I see the title of the book, I think of Quinn screaming “I’m DORFY!”
I’m not crazy about Meg Wolitzer – I really didn’t care for The Wife at all. All I can guess is that I forgot she wrote The Wife and that I’d read Surrender, Dorothy, and someone somewhere highly recommended Surrender, Dorothy in their blog or an email, and so I put it on my wish list.
Generally speaking, if I read your blog or journal and you recommend a book and make the story sound even slightly interesting, chances are good (if I haven’t already read it) that I’ll add it to my wish list. As long as it isn’t dick lit, that is.
And speaking of my wish list, great big thanks to reader Susan, who bought me The Earth, My Butt, and Other Big Round Things off my wish list!
You rock, Susan!
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Dumbass things I did yesterday:
1. At some point during the day I pulled a muscle in my right shoulder. It hurt a LOT, and I decided to take it easy (bwah! As opposed to my usual hard-working day of sitting on my ass in front of the computer or TV, I suppose!). I started dinner – chicken noodle soup – and then decided to pull out the refrigerator and vacuum and mop behind it, because I’d mopped the kitchen floor the other day and got a huge dust bunny from under the fridge. My shoulder did not thank me for pulling out the fridge, believe you me.
2. I was looking for my checkbook to write a check, and couldn’t find it. So I grabbed another book of checks from out of my desk drawer, wrote the check, and set the book of checks to the side. Two minutes later I looked over at the book of checks and said “Oh, that’s where the checkbook is. I can’t believe I didn’t see it there before!” It took about ten minutes before I realized that it was the book of checks I’d taken out of the desk drawer. Doy.
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So, on Dr. Phil last week was this two-part show entitled “Is My Son a Sexual Predator?” On the show were two parents of a 19 year-old boy who, they were worried, was a sexual predator (I bet you never would have figured that out from the title, eh?). Also on the show was the boy himself – Mikai – and his three brothers. The parents were worried that Mikai had been “inappropriate” with girls as young as 13 and – here’s the kicker – they were worried that he’d molested his own sister when she was 2 years old, and had instituted a “two brother” rule. That is, he was no longer allowed to be alone in the house with his sister; there always had to be a second brother present.
The most disturbing part was when they showed video of Mikai and his little sister wrestling on the floor, and he glanced over to see if anyone was watching him, and then his hand slid down between her legs for a few instances. To me it looked deliberate and it seemed to bother Dr. Phil and Mikai’s parents as well.
Most of the first show was talking about the problems with Mikai and him denying that he’d done anything with his sister, that he’d ever been “inappropriate” with anyone, that it was all a big misunderstanding (every time) and that he’d been molested many times as a child so the only way to interact with other people was sexually.
Finally, Dr. Phil asked Mikai if he’d be willing to take a lie detector test, and he said he would.
The lie detector test didn’t actually take place until the second show. But they hyped the holy hell out of the fact that the kid was going to take the lie detector test. Every single time they went to commercial, every time they had a commercial about the show, they showed Dr. Phil beginning to read the results of the test, then they’d cut it off before we got to the actual result.
And just so you know, I just KNEW that the lie detector test was going to show that Mikai had never molested his little sister, never acted inappropriately with young girls, that none of that stuff was true. I just KNEW IT. Because remember when Dr. Phil had the woman on and then wouldn’t show the piece they’d filmed for the show because if he did, DHS would be on her doorstep when she got home? Well, if it was found that Mikai had molested his sister, wouldn’t the same thing be true? Wouldn’t the police be there to arrest him?
So I was pretty confident that the lie detector test was going to show that Mikai was telling the truth.
You could have blown me away when the test results were actually read, then.
Question 1: “Did you ever touch your sister’s vagina or breasts with the pre-understanding that this was meant as a sexual activity.”
Answer: “Your answer was ‘no,’ and the results indicate strong deception on your part. The results indicate that you have in fact touched her in a sexual way on her vagina and/or breasts.”
Question 2: “Did you ever have sex with anyone against her will or with anyone under the age of 14?”
Answer: Mikai answered no; the test results revealed clear deception for both.
Dr. Phil confronted Mikai, Mikai denied it some more, and then Mikai’s father said “You’d better tell him the truth; you’re dead to us.” and Mikai finally admitted that it had happened.
Like I said, a seriously intense and disturbing show. The parents and brothers were understandably devastated and so was Mikai. I swear I had chills by the time the show ended.
Say what you will about Dr. Phil; at least he’s willing to work with Mikai and his family (who said several times that they want nothing to do with him anymore); he’s willing to foot the bill so that this family can find a way to heal.
I cannot imagine much that’s more horrifying than finding out that your own child is a sexual predator, that he’s molested another of your children, and that he’s had forcible sex with girls, and sex with girls under the age of 14.
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His Majesty is displeased.]]>
Wow.
I love Dr. Phil. A woman from my hometown is going to be on the show March 22 because her son was murdered — stabbed 9 times in the neck, head, and back — and our police let the murderer go saying it was self defense because he was smaller than Scott. Dr. Phil is going to help her grieve for her son.
I don’t have a TV though! So promise you’ll mention that one on your webpage, because he was a friend of mine from high school (the guy that was killed, not Dr. Phil, although that would be cool but if Dr. and I were friends he could probably just send me a tape).
Anyway, I would love you forever.
Tiffany: I for sure will check that out and mention it when I’ve watched it!
Mizter Boogers looks displeased over his “tie” that he has to wear every moment of everyday.
Val: Oh, but he doesn’t. We actually take it off at night when we close the cat door. He must understand that the collar is what allows him to go outside, because he’s very, very good about coming over and letting us put it around his neck in the morning before we open the cat door back up.
LMAO…The first sentence cracked me up as did the last sentence, i.e. the caption under the cat picture.
You’re always good for a great laugh, Robyn!
I saw a bit of the show where Dr. Phil read the lie detector test and Mikai finally confessed he did it, but missed everything else. Who molested Mikai? What about the other brothers?
The show was actually watching a family’s life crash down on them in real time. It was so frightening and frankly hard to even imagine the range of emotions those people must have been going thru. I WANTED to believe Mekai, but I couldn’t. The point my disbelief began was when he said 27 different people had molested him in the last 10 years. I’m sure it happens to some people, but I just could not believe that a kid from what seems to be a loving environment would have so many dangerous opportunities in his life to be molested. Maybe I’m naive, but I just never bought that. So when the lie detector results were revealed, I was horrified, but not all that surprised.
I worked in a Probation Dept, Juvenile Division, for a couple of years. This kind of thing happens all the time. Heartbreaking. At one point we sent one of our very young predators (I think he was 14 or 15) to California Youth Authority (Juvenile Prison, basically) and I asked one of our probation officers if anyone monitored his “treatment”, how he was doing, etc. — and the PO answered “you don’t want to know.” I knew enough already — and I couldn’t deal with it anymore and I quit.
Julie: The first time he said it happened, it was an older female – I don’t remember exactly who. Maybe a babysitter or family friend?
Shelly: Yeah, I had a hard time believing that 27 different people had molested him. I mean, it could happen, I suppose, but I didn’t believe him. He seemed very disconnected from what he was saying most of the time.
Labyrs: Ugh. I can’t even imagine!
Thanks for the Dr. Phil blurb.. I was determined to watch the second part but my kids were around and I didn’t think it appropriate. Very interesting, I too thought he would come up clean.
“I cannot imagine much that’s more horrifying than finding out that your own child is a sexual predator…”
I’ve got one! Finding out your own child is a sexual predator ON NATIONAL TELEVISION! What gets INTO people? It never ceases to amaze me what folks will endure just to be on t.v. The parents may be appear to be loving, but they obviously have screws loose if they’re willing to air this humiliating, distressing issue in front of the whole goddamned world! What about the privacy of the child who he molested? AAUUGH. I hate people!
Er. That one above was me. So mad I forgot to type my name.
*sigh* I just hate hearing about stuff like that. Back in the 60’s or maybe 70’s, was something like that ever thought of? When no one was/is ever safe. I agree with Jane, I do hate people, heh. And to think of a socity that the newer generation would be growing up in…
Sorry, Jane, but I disagree with people going on a show like Dr. Phil “just to be on tv”. They said that they had seeked other help, but nothing was working. I think they were at their wit’s end and would go through the humiliation of the world knowing their problems in order to have Dr. Phil work with them. Since he doesn’t do private practice, you have to go on tv to be treated by him. Now the Jerry Springer show is another matter!!
Well had to chime in also. I SOOO agree with Jane. The way the whole thing was handled was so disturbing to me that I belted out an email to Dr. Phil. I just pray they do not ask me on that show to take Dr. Phil on one to one. The show could have disguised the family in some way or put them behind a screen maybe. I just think they will all be so tainted by this as much as the abuse itself. The parents did not seem loving at all to me. To do this on national television in such a Jerry Springer way, shows me that the son is not the only with a problem.
I didn’t see the show, but I have a friend this happened to — he found out his older son had molested his younger son. I can’t imagine anything more horrifying.
Wow, the Dr. Phil show sounded… interesting. I love the Booger picture.
While I found those Dr.Phil shows hard to watch,I really feel that Mikai has a chance to be rehabilitated. He doesn’t know proper boundaries because HIS were violated.Even though I am sure teachers,his parents and schoool counselors have tried to tell him what proper boundaries are,as the parents said,they tried every avenue of help available to them before they approached the Dr.Phil show,but the aforementioned said that they couldn’t seriously intervene until Makai did something criminal.(I am sure that most of his previous activity actually does fall within the criminal definition.)
This really shows how harmful internet porn and the internet in general can be to young people.
Makai got stimulated by the porn,had to keep watching worse and worse stuff to keep getting stimulated and THEN he would cruise the chat rooms setting up meetings with young girls.
Did anyone notice that when asked during the polygraph test whether or not he(Mikai)had been molested by a female and 27 or so other people at age nine,his answer of yes registered as neither true nor false?? To me that could mean that maybe his molester was a male and he doesn’t want to admit that and also the number of people Mikai said have molested him may be in question.
I just fell in love with Mikai’s brothers. Weren’t they great? It’s been hard for them to be his brother. I really see a healing for the whole family in their future. Let’s all hope and pray. I will be looking forward to follow-up shows.
Jane: They did actually blur the little sister’s face and bleep out her name every time they said it. Which isn’t going to fool anyone who knows the family, but they did make that slight concession, anyway.
Of course, at the bottom of it all, what Dr. Phil wants to do is have a show people will tune into. He wants to help, but he also wants really good ratings, you know? I can’t say that I’d ever put myself in a position on a national show to find out something horrible about my child, though.
It’s so scary to raise a kid. (We have a 9 yr. old son.) So much seems like luck-o-the draw. Every morning paper filled with horrifying happenings.
When I remember the shenanigans my best friend and I did—hitch hiking, drinking, drugs, driving like mad women {{{shudder!}}} My parents didn’t have a clue!
The schools really hit them early now a days with anti-drug/drinking assemblies, info on AIDS (in third grade), anti-bullying, etc… PLUS, I know what to look for, drawing from my ill-spent youth.
Can’t imagine what it would feel like to know you birthed a monster, though…
Thank goodness for the levity of Mr. Boogers.
Enjoy your read, Robyn.
I know that people feel it is wrong and horrendous to go on t.v. to air something so incredibly disturbing and private and deeply intense. Somethings shouldn’t be for “entertainment” value. However, I have to disagree in part. If these people with these kinds of problems aren’t brave enough to come on a show like Dr. Phil’s (not talking Jerry Springer here) then these problems remain hidden in shadows. I think Dr. Phil shines light on some of the darkest problems. He brings to light that here are real people going through something that may of happened to you or may be happening to you or someone you know. If shows like this aren’t aired then how can others be touched? How can they understand that this really does go on. I don’t know how to raise awareness about molestation, abuse (sexual and physical), and all the other array of dysfunctions families go through without someone being brave enough to step forward (on a national stage) and tell their story. It starts with families like this.
As one commentor said earlier, Mikai is not the only problem of that family. He isn’t. He’s the result of the problem. The entire family needs to be healed.
And for the record the little girl’s face and name were never revealed.
I watched that 2-part Dr Phil show with my 12 yr old DD. I believe it’s a good thing for her to see. Perfectly normal looking kids are sexual predators…she needs to know that. She needs to know that there are “sick” (as in mentally ill) children and adults who do sick things to children/teens/adults.
I have a nephew (very minimal contact with his father (my step-brother) and their family) who molested his little brother. My nephew was 13 at the time and his little brother about 4 yrs old. He violated him in the worst ways, yet showed NO remorse. It’s been a few years since this occured, but he still doesn’t acknowledge that his actions were WRONG. I’m very sad about what the future holds for him because of this attitude and the fact that child molestors have a very high recidivism rate. I’m very close to my step-father who loves this grandson very much. I’m afraid his life is over and it never really began.
I’m not sure if anyone noticed this, but the results of the polygraph were “inconclusive” about Mekai being molested. So, it looks like that could have been a lie as well.
Hey, help a girl out! I just got bombarded with Barnes and Noble and Amazon.com gift cards for my birthday yesterday. Turning 35 wasnt so bad after all!
Can you recommend some good books?
I just read Mystic River and LOVED it. Not too chicky just good reads.
Thanks