10-30-07

* * * So, I don’t think I ever told the story of taking Mister Boogers to the vet. I know I mentioned that his left eye was goopy and we’d make an appointment to take him to the vet, then we’d get up the next morning and it would be cleared up, then the next day it’d be goopy, and then clear up, and so on for a couple of weeks. I finally decided to just take him to the damn vet to have it looked at, since he needed his yearly exam and shots anyway. Thursday morning I got up and got all my shit done in a timely manner. In fact, I got everything done and needed only to take my shower and get dressed and eat breakfast before leaving for the vet’s, so I laid in bed for half an hour and read until 9:00. Then I got up and took my shower, got dressed, blow-dried my hair, made my bed, and ate breakfast. I wasn’t concerned at all about getting Mister Boogers in the carrier, because I guess he just hasn’t been to the vet often enough to realize that the carrier equals the horror of a vet visit. He was sleeping on the end of my bed when I walked in, picked him up, and popped him into the carrier. He sat there and looked around, then gave me a disgruntled “What the fuck, lady?” look, and settled into a kitty meatloaf to see what was going to happen next. He was perfectly calm as I carried him through the house, out the door, and into the garage. He jumped a little when the garage door began opening, but calmed down pretty quickly. He was fine as I settled the carrier in the front passenger’s seat, and as I pulled out of the garage, started Keith and the Girl playing on my iPod, and drove down the road. About three minutes from home, something must have clicked in his little pointy head, and he thought to himself “Oh, fuck THIS!”, and he started howling. And howling. And howling. And he has himself quite the piercing little howl, does our Booger. I tried pausing the iPod, thinking that it would make a funny email to Keith and Chemda if what Mister Boogers was protesting was show #602, but he continued howling. Dear Keith and Chemda, I vehemently disapprove of your frank sexual discussion regarding Liam McEneaney’s masturbation habits and think his claim that he wants “a real relationship” rather than to simply objectify women is highly suspect. Ah hets yew, Mister “Douchebag” Boogers So I picked up the phone and I called Fred, and it was timed just perfectly so that when he picked up the phone and said “This is Fred”, what he got in response was a particularly long and ear-piercing Booger howl. He laughed. “Not happy, is he?” “Not at all. And I have to listen to this for another twenty minutes!” I said. Long silence, then Fred sounded very confused. “I thought your appointment was at 10:30?” And I looked at the clock on the dashboard and saw to my horror that it was 10:38. “Oh…. SHIT!” I said. “What the? How? What? How the FUCK did I do that?!” I had, in fact, been proud of myself for leaving the house five minutes earlier than I’d needed to. I had NO IDEA what the fuck I’d done, and I spluttered for a few more minutes, claiming that the clock on my computer must be way off, then told him I needed to call the vet and see if they could still fit me in or if I needed to make another appointment. They gave me an appointment at 4:30, and I turned around and went home. But not before I made a little movie of a howling Boog. To experience it fully, I recommend you turn the volume on your computer up as high as it will go, and then jam a knife into your eardrum with every howl. (I suspect, by the way, that somehow after knowing all morning long that I needed to leave the house at 10:00 for a 10:30 appointment, I must have suddenly gotten it into my brain that I needed to leave at 10:30. It’s the Alzheimer’s, I’m sure.) After I dropped Mister Boogers off at home (and all the cats came running to sniff him over, and he growled and ran off to hide from them), I went out and spent a few hours running errands. One of the errands I ran was to the pet store, where I stood and stared sadly at Eddie Dean, Jake, and Billy Bumbler, who had STILL not been adopted, because people are BLIND to the gorgeousness that is Billy Bumbler and the sweetness of Eddie Dean and Jake. Grrrr! (But imagine my joy yesterday morning when I found that Billy and Jake had been adopted, and so had Keith, who was the only KATG kitten left at the pet store!) I also had to run into Target for various and sundry things, and I think I made another stop on the way home, but I’ll be fucked if I can remember where, because it’s been too long since Thursday and I have forgotten. I had a few hours to kill before I had to take Mister Boogers to the vet, so I hung out with the foster monkeys, read, did some laundry – the usual fun, y’know. When we finally left for his appointment, Mister Boogers howled his ass off all the damn way to the vet’s, and I said to Fred “I think maybe we need to switch Mister Boogers to a CLOSER vet, because I don’t know that I want to put up with THAT again” and Fred said “Oh, so you don’t want to take Mister Boogers to the GOOD vet, just any old vet will do?” and I said “I’m glad you understand.” At the vet’s, Mister Boogers – who is under the impression he’s a great big badass at home – acted like a total ass, trying to run away from the vet unless I was holding him tightly, even though she sweet-talked him and told him how pretty he is. Bottom line, he does NOT have eyeball cancer, so no eye patch for him. In fact, his eye isn’t even scratched – she thinks it’s just an allergy-type thing, and since he does have an issue with allergies in the fall, I’m inclined to agree. We’ve given him allergy pills whenever we notice his eye is bothering him, and they clear it right up. And as an extra-special bonus, Mister Boogers howled the entire way home.

* * *
For the second week in a row, I spent a good part of the day on Saturday cleaning the entire house. I celebrated by not vacuuming the house Sunday OR yesterday, but I can’t skip another day or the dust bunnies will likely consume a cat. If I were suddenly informed that I was going to have company in an hour, I could run the vacuum, pick up a few things, and the house is guest-ready. Woot! Well, except that I really need to dust the baseboards. But who looks at the baseboards, right? Uh… right?
* * *
Saturday, right before Fred and I left the house to run errands in Closeville, he came to the side door. “I tried to take it back, Boss,” he said. “But it was too late.” “Oh, fuck,” I said. “What now?” From where he was hiding it behind his back, Fred brought out his right hand. In his hand was a fully-grown squirrel. “Oh noooooo!” I wailed sadly. “Is it dying?” “No, it’s dead,” he said. I had to look closer, because it honestly looked like it was still alive. “You should pet it!” he said, petting it to demonstrate. “It’s so soft! It’s so warm, too. Newt must have just killed it.” “I AM NOT GOING TO PET IT!” I yelled. He held it out toward me, and I danced away. “Jesus christ, LENNY. I’m not going to PET THE DEAD SQUIRREL.” “Why not? It’s so soft!” “It’s DEAD!” “Oh Bessie, just touch it. Touch it with the fangers!” “Get out of here!” I said, and cast one last sad look at the squirrel. “What are you going to do with it?” Fred walked into the house and held it out to Mister Boogers. “First I’m going to let Mister Boogers sniff it, and then I guess I’m going to give it back to Newt.” In the cat bed on my desk, Mister Boogers sniffed wildly, stared consideringly at the squirrel, then curled up and went back to sleep. “You’re going to give it to Newt?” I said. “Yeah, is that okay?” “I feel like I should object, but I don’t guess the squirrel really cares, does he?” “Circle of life!” Fred said, and went off to give the squirrel back to Newt. As we pulled out of the driveway, we could see Newt playing with the squirrel. When we got home an hour later, there was nothing left of the squirrel but two back legs, an ass, and a tail. Good times here in the country, folks. Good. Times.
* * *
Cat stuff over at Love & Hisses.
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Previously 2006: Isn’t it nice that I named cats that aren’t mine? 2005: No entry. 2004: List of fives. 2003: (Also, Nance called me “nice.” That bitch!) 2002: But I don’t guess that introspection is the forte of that particular diva. 2001: Who tells stories about you? 2000: This morning, red and goopy. 1999: (Side note: I did nothing, and that just pisses me off. I wish I could go back and smack the shit out of that jerk. I hope his life is hellish).]]>

29 thoughts on “10-30-07”

  1. Stick to your guns, sister. Once you touch the dead squirrel, the repulsive factor of the things you are cajoled into touching increases: “You touched the dead squirrel, why won’t you touch the dead ?” Nip it in the bud!

  3. When I rescued Dixie-Cat, she was feasting on an inside-out squirrel. It came as no shock that Dixie had quite a few intestinal parasites as a result of her raw squirrel diet.
    OH and I’ve been meaning to ask you, since you vacuum a lot: I just ordered a Roomba. Have you ever tried one? I’m kind of STOKED to see how much it freaks out my cats!

  4. Jean: Yeah, no kidding. “You touched the squirrel, why won’t you touch the rotting possum that’s been sitting there for three days?!”
    Contrary: I was worried no one would get it! 🙂
    Styro: I’ve never tried a Roomba, but enough people have recommended it to me that it’s definitely on my “I want” list. Let me know how it works out for you!

  7. I have to tell you that the Mr. Boogers video put my chihuahua on High Alert. He came racing in here, barking his fool head off, and then attacked his stuffed elephant. Hee!
    I’m extremely impressed that you and Fred managed to work in quotes from THREE movies in one conversation. My kind of people!
    Oh, and Robyn? MY MOTHER looks at baseboards, but I suspect she’s the only freak who does.

  8. I played the video of Boogs and ALL THREE of my cats came running to see who was in distress. It was mildly hilarious. 🙂

  10. Heather & Amy: Yeah, Spot was smacking Miz Poo, because just before the picture was taken, Maxi (the black cat on the floor is Maxi, not Tommy – Tommy’s up on the counter with Sugarbutt) decided Spot was too close, and she smacked him. So Spot turned around and smacked Miz Poo. Shit rolls downhill, y’know.
    Amanda: They do, but Maxi and Newt get their snack on the front porch, so our pigs don’t push them out of the way to eat their snack.

  12. Haha! I played Mr. Booger’s video and all three of my cats freaked out! Then the oldest, and apparently bravest, came over to my desk and jumped up on it, trying to figure out where that cat was. She was sniffing all over the place looking for it. With a big puffy tail.

  14. I played Boog’s meowing and both my cats immediately came in to scope out the computer. Even the big fat one awoke from her princess slumber. They are seriously stalking me now. Off to play it again…because it’s FUN_NAY!

  15. I played your video of Mr Boogers howling and suddenly had a dog in my lap with her nose two inches away from the screen wildly sniffing – hee! Glad his eyeball is OK.

  18. Kitty Meatloaf – THAT is a recipe I’d like…. Let’s see…
    One hysterical cat (insert pic of the Boog here)
    6 jabanero peppers, diced
    Back legs, ass, and tail of one dead squirrel
    2 cups leftover Angel hair pasta (if you can keep the bitchez from eating it)
    3 home-grown eggs (it’s a meatloaf, so it won’t taste too eggy)
    Toss lightly and barbeque until tender.
    Serve to good friends 🙂

  19. I also played the video and my cats came running.
    They were seriously looking for a poor cat “in trouble”
    they sniffed all around the computer, they looked at me ,begging for help.
    I felt too cruel to play it again. They were really upset for poor Boogs.
    That reminds me though , they LOVE videos of kittens playing. You could make one of those with the foster babies and sell it!
    Also…..you have 8 cats!!!!
    I wish I could . :))))

  20. Hey Robin,
    I was thinking about you the other day…we were both members of DietWatch at one time. How are you and Fred doing? It’s been a few years, so I may not sound familiar! Cheryl from MN…you like smiley faces…think I had sent you a suncatcher…anyways, just hoping all is well. Still fighting the weight loss battle here. You look fab!
    Cheryl
    CKWhiz

  21. Lena, the count is actually up to NINE! cats. Newt is not in the picture. Stinkerbelle makes NINE cats.

  22. Dude, I totally played the video for Peanut and Jose and they were very concerned. Fat butt Peanut even came looking for the cat. Jose gave me Boogs WTF look. Greatest thing after LOLSecretz.

  23. The howl of Mr. Boogers caused our cats to run from the room and has spooked our dog. She is still barking and whimpering. I never thought Mr. Boogers would have that effect on all forms of animal life.

  27. “LENNY” made me choke so hard. That was great.
    I don’t look at other people’s baseboards at all. Ever. I just notice my own (filthy, dusty ones).

  28. The Mister Boogers video brought all of my cats in to investigate. So, of course, I kept playing it and playing it. Pretty funny!!

  29. Fred said “Oh, so you don’t want to take Mister Boogers to the GOOD vet, just any old vet will do?” and I said “I’m glad you understand.”
    Hilarious! This whole entry cracked me up!
    “Oh Bessie, just touch it.”
    You are too much!

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